Announcement – Halloween Edition!

Hey there all you gorgeous Ghouls and dapper Demons!

We interrupt your regularly scheduled haunting for this spoooooky announcement:

(Ok, the 50’s Rock n’ Roll DJ thing was a childhood dream of mine. You got me.)

Many of you have asked for more of the adventures of Caleb Carson and his weird cadre of friends.

Ask and ye shall… Well, you know how it goes.

The second book in the 3rd Eye Detective series is working its way through the production process and on track for an early 2020 release.

But, Tess, what should we be looking for?

Well, if you’re interested in keeping an eye out for news I’d be looking for:

THE HUNGRY DARK

Yes, book 2 in the 3rd Eye Detective series will be titled: “The Hungry Dark”.

What else can I tell you about it?

Not much, just now.

Except…

The story takes place in the week leading up to Halloween.

So, this felt like a good time to do the title reveal.

Stay tuned for more updates as the production progresses.

And thanks for coming along on the ride with me.

Until next time…

 

 

Posted in 3rd Eye Detective series, Original Fiction, self publishing, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

#onlytuesday Tweet Archive

#ONLYTUESDAY TWEETS

Feb 14, 2017

#onlytuesday because hating Mondays is so yesterday…

Feb 21, 2017

I know you’re tired and hurt, and this day is almost over, but suck it up because it’s still… #onlytuesday

Feb 28, 2017

Going down like a sandpaper slip & slide…

…that’s right, it’s… #onlytuesday

Mar 7, 2017

Our politicians are corrupt, our president is nuts, & we owe our souls to the company store, but strap in, because it’s… #onlytuesday

Mar 14, 2017

Turn on the news, to see what’s fresh in the Decline of Western Civilization, and it turns out it’s still… #onlytuesday

Mar 21, 2017

Corporations took over our gov’t, we’re about to lose health care, & people are mad about Wonder Woman’s armpits? Could it be #onlytuesday?

Mar 28, 2017

You ever get a paper cut while trying to open a Band-Aid? Yeah, that’s what it feels like to remember that it’s still… #onlytuesday

Apr 4, 2017

Your team may have just won the championship, you may have cashed in big in the office betting pool, but it’s still… #onlytuesday

Apr 11, 2017

Ever fart in the morning and then have to rethink your whole schedule for the day? It’s like that, but it’s still… #onlytuesday

Apr 18, 2017

“Think I’ll just have one more drink,” – Socrates, after realizing that it’s still… #onlytuesday

Apr 25, 2017

That greasy feeling you get when you’ve spent half the day thinking it was Wednesday, but then you realize it’s still… #onlytuesday

May 2, 2017

It’s 8:30 at night & you’re still on the grind. But you’ll sleep when you’re dead because there’s shit to do & it’s still… #onlytuesday

May 9, 2017

Our president is channeling Nixon, like a Watergate reboot. But don’t worry it can always get worse, For instance, it’s still… #onlytuesday

May 16, 2017

TFW you wake up, watch the news, and immediately have an existential crisis, but buckle up buttercup because it’s still… #onlytuesday

May 23, 2017

Because you woke up an hour before your alarm & never quite got back to sleep & you realize it’s still #onlytuesday & it’s just beginning…

May 23, 2017

TFW people don’t get your dark humor, and, oh yeah, it’s still… #onlytuesday

May 30, 2017

You may have had a long weekend. You may have skipped the dreaded Monday. But guess what, it’s still… #onlytuesday

Jun 6, 2017

Ever fart in the shower, only to realize you trapped yourself in with the funk? It’s like that because it’s still… #onlytuesday

Jun 13, 2017

Corruption runs rampant, the Pres is a nutter & the leading law enforcement officer probably just lied under oath & it’s still #onlytuesday

Jun 20, 2017

Just when you think you’ve escaped the dreaded Monday, you wake up to realize that it’s still #onlytuesday and this is just the beginning

Jun 20, 2017

When you find yourself walking around your kitchen singing “gimme’ that old-time religion”, it hits you… F*!k, it’s still #onlytuesday

Jun 20, 2017

You thought you slipped by, & you may be about to clock out for the day, but you can’t hide from the awful truth… It’s still #onlytuesday

Jun 20, 2017

As his strength failed him at length he met a pilgrim shadow. Shadow said he how can it be, that it’s still #onlytuesday (apologies EA Poe)

Jun 20, 2017

In these waning hours, you think you might have narrowly escaped #onlytuesday, but beware… …Wednesday WAITS!

Jun 27, 2017

What frabjuous day! Calloo! Ca… What? It’s still #onlytuesday? F$%K! (apologies to L. Carroll)

Jul 4, 2017

Happy Independence Day! Try not to blow yourself up. You’ll need your strength for the rest of the week because it’s still #onlytuesday

Jul 11, 2017

Real wages for the bottom 60% have not risen since the 70s. Enjoy your rage because it’s still…  #onlytuesday & you need to get back to work

Jul 11, 2017

They call it stormy Monday, but Tuesday’s just as… what? It’s still #onlytuesday? Oh, for fuck’s sake! (Apologies to T-bone Walker)

Jul 18, 2017

It is a truth, universally acknowledged, that today is still… #onlytuesday (Apologies to J. Austin)

Jul 25, 2017

Send Lawyers, Guns, and Money, because it’s still #onlytuesday

Jul 25, 2017

Give me a bottle of anything, and a glazed donut, to go… Because it’s still #onlytuesday

Aug 1, 2017

Yeah, the government’s falling apart & we’re 2 steps from WWIII, but at least it’s not still #onlytuesday. .. What? It is? F!*k me running!

Aug 8, 2017

Going to a friend’s wedding today. It might be the happiest day of your life, so go enjoy it. And to think, it’s still #onlytuesday

Aug 8, 2017

Day drinking at a Moose Lodge, because f&!k it, it’s still #onlytuesday

Aug 15, 2017

There’s a white supremacist in the White House, but it could be worse, at least it’s not still #onlytuesday… What? It is? Oh, come on!

Aug 15, 2017

RE: Recent Events – Have you ever been so disgusted you just fucking blacked out? It’s like that, and it’s still #onlytuesday

Aug 22, 2017

The eclipse came & went, and you didn’t get a single superpower. Oh yeah, and it’s still… #onlytuesday

Aug 22, 2017

The president has been in office for 7 months & 1 day, & he’s already campaigning. AND it’s still #onlytuesday? WTF?!

Aug 29, 2017

It may only be 2 days ’till @DragonCon, but it’s still… #onlytuesday

Sep 5, 2017

You may be recovering from @DragonCon, you may be back from a too-short vacation, but gird those loins because it’s still #onlytuesday

Sep 12, 2017

Ol’ Jack Burton looks that big ol’ storm straight in the eye and says, gimme your best shot pal, because it’s still #onlytuesday

Sep 19, 2017

You may have just finished a big project *ahem- novel -ahem*, but that doesn’t mean you’re done, because it’s still #onlytuesday

Sep 26, 2017

The President of the United States thinks you don’t have a right to protest, but buckle up buttercup, because it’s still… #onlytuesday

Sep 26, 2017

The current President espousing “respect” for our country is like listening to a hooker preach abstinence… & it’s still #onlytuesday

Oct 3, 2017

You bolt awake from the nightmare only to realize it was no dream. It is, in fact, still… #onlytuesday

Oct 10, 2017

Keep your night light burning. Over there! In the dark! It’s, it’s… …still #onlytuesday The horror, the horror…

Oct 17, 2017

That scratching you hear, behind the walls, out in the dark, it’s not a monster. It’s worse. It’s still… #onlytuesday

Oct 24, 2017

It’s creepy & it’s kooky, Mysterious & spooky, Oh fuck it’s #onlytuesday Something, something, Arrrrggghhhhh!

Oct 31, 2017

It slithers, skitters, scratches behind the walls. It creeps and it crawls, but worst of all, it’s still… #onlytuesday Happy Halloween!

Nov 7, 2017

Ever crap for 2 minutes & spend the next 20 minutes wiping your ass? It’s like that because it’s still… #onlytuesday

Nov 14, 2017

That feeling when you’re too depressed to come up w/ an “it’s only Tuesday” joke because it’s still… #onlytuesday #metaonlytuesday

Nov 21, 2017

Stress eating because you’re worried about all the weight you’re going to gain over Thanksgiving, yeah, it’s like that because it’s still… #onlytuesday

Nov 28, 2017

You may have finally recovered from Thanksgiving, you may have just gotten all the dishes washed and put away, you wipe your hands on your apron, satisfied at a job well done when you realize… Shit! It’s still #onlytuesday When will it end, oh god, when will it end?!

 

Dec 5, 2017

C: It’s beginning to look a lot like Tuesday, everywhere I go.

B: That’s because it’s still… #onlytuesday, Carl.

C: It is?

B: Yes, Carl.

C: Well, there goes my holiday spirit.

B: Good to know Carl.

Dec 12, 2017

C: Hey, Bob. Why doesn’t anyone seem to be in the x-mas spirit?

B: Because it’s Chanukah, Carl.

C: But that happens every year.

B: So does x-mas, Carl.

C: Nah, still don’t think that’s it.

B: Could be that it’s still #onlytuesday

C: Bah, humbug.

B: And a merry humbug to you, Carl

 

Dec 19, 2017

C: This fruitcake isn’t very festive.

B: You’re eating week-old birthday cake.

C: Thought it tasted off. *continues eating* Oh well, at least it’s not Tuesday.

B: No, Carl. It is, in fact still #onlytuesday

C: *spits out cake* Damn it, Bob!

B: Damn it indeed, Carl.

 

Dec 27, 2017

C: Hey Bob, did we miss an it’s #onlytuesday post.

B: I think we did, Carl.

C: But it’s the last one of the year!

B: It’s ok, Carl. The day after New Year’s is #onlytuesday too.

C: What?

B: They have them every week, Carl.

C: Why would they do that?

B: It’s a mystery, Carl.

 

Jan 2, 2018

TFW you’re excited to be keeping up with your New Year’s resolutions, but then you realize it’s still. .. #onlytuesday

Jan 9, 2018

It is little known that Tuesday is, in fact, the fifth Horseman of the Apocalypse. As he is something like the idiot cousin of the five, he has forgotten the exact date of the End Times, and shows up every week, just in case…

His arrival heralds nothing much, only half-hearted cries of: “Is it now?!” And even less-hearted responses of: “No, it’s still #onlytuesday .” – (this is not the Apocalypse you’re looking for. Move along.)

Jan 16, 2018

That cold, creeping sensation, spider-crawling down your spine, it could be the dark winter days, driving you mad with their eternal, bleak, sunless gray… OR It could be that it’s still… #onlytuesday

Jan 23, 2018

What rough beast, its hour come ’round at last, slouches toward… …what? It’s still #onlytuesday? Fuck that noise! *slouches back the other way*

 

Jan 30, 2018

C: Hey, Bob. You lookin’ forward to the State of the Union address?

B: I’d rather clean my ears with knitting needles, Carl.

C: That bad, huh Bob?

B: That bad, Carl.

C: Well, at least it’s not still #onlytuesday …

B: Uh, Carl…

C: Don’t tell me, Bob. Don’t tell me.

 

Feb 6, 2018

TFW when you’ve gone all day, and then something happens to remind you that it’s still… #onlytuesday

Feb 13, 2018

It’s Mardi Gras! Time to indulge in all the things you’d give up for Lent – if you were Catholic. So, eat too much, have a few drinks, kiss a stranger… Also, feel free to sink into abject hopelessness. After all, it’s still… #onlytuesday (Laissez les bon temps rouler)

Feb 20, 2018

As the teeth of the day grind rough against your spine, you throw your head skyward and beg the heavens for ease, And the heavens reply: “But it’s still #onlytuesday ”

Feb 27, 2018

Listening to Blind Willie Johnson’s “If I had My Way” and trying not to set the neighborhood on fire. And why would I do that? Because it’s still #onlytuesday! That’s Why!

*chants receding in the distance* “Burn it down, burn it down, burn it down, burn…”

Mar 6, 2018

You remember that time when you had the song “Stacy’s Mom” stuck in your head for more than an hour, and no matter what you did it just, wouldn’t, fucking dislodge itself? Yeah, it’s like that, because it’s still #onlytuesday

Mar 13, 2018

That face when Daylight Savings Time has you feeling beat like a rented mule, and then you realize it’s still #onlytuesday …the horror, the horror. ..

 

Mar 20, 2018

B: Why are you wearing a garland of flowers on your head Carl?

C: Did you forget it’s the first day of Spring Bob?

B: No, Carl. Did you forget it’s still #onlytuesday?

C: For one brief, shining, glorious moment, Bob. *tosses garland in trash*

B: You’re welcome, Carl.

 

Mar 27, 2018

It’s been more than a year, we’ve organized, we’ve marched, we’ve beseeched heads of state, we’ve cried to heaven, and it’s still #onlytuesday When will it end?

Apr 3, 2018

Your basketball team may have just won the championship, but March Madness is over, the excitement has left your life, and it’s still #onlytuesday

Apr 10, 2018

You know it’s #onlytuesday when you’ve gone all day and… …wait… …What? Really?! It’s still #onlytuesday? … Arrrrghhhhhh! *strangled gurgle*

Apr 17, 2018

Oh shit, it’s #onlytuesday I better come up with something funny to tweet. … Any minute now…

Apr 17, 2018

…Ever have to take a massive dump, right after you get out of the shower, and you’re like, “But I just washed that!”? Yeah, it’s like that, because it’s still #onlytuesday

Apr 24, 2018

When it feels like you can’t catch a break. When you’re filled with existential dread When it feels like the world is crumbling between your fingers, take heart… Because it’s still #onlytuesday And it can always get worse…

May 1, 2018

Happy May Day! to everyone who survived Walpurgisnacht. But we regret to inform you that it’s still #onlytuesday … (…and that’s why you should never piss off witches. Tuesdays all around!)

May 8, 2018

What have we come to, as a proud, democratic nation, when we allow this Tuesday thing to happen week in and week out? If this keeps up, we should have a meeting. Hold a rally. Demand redress of grievances. Remember: Your Vote Counts! (even if it’s still #onlytuesday )

May 15, 2018

When you feel the deep gurgling of the one fart that wants to be more… And there’s not a bathroom in sight. It’s like that because it’s still… #onlytuesday

May 22, 2018

TFW you’ve already written & erased 2 #onlytuesday tweets because they were too dark. Must be because it’s still #onlytuesday

May 22, 2018

It’s 10:30, and I already want to go back to sleep. I’d blame it on the fact that it’s still #onlytuesday, but that’s most days for me if I’m being honest.

May 29, 2018

Ever crap so hard all you can do is sit on the pot and wish someone would hold you and tell it’s going to be okay? It’s like that because it’s #onlytuesday

Jun 5, 2018

You may be working a short week, because you’re turning 40 on Thursday & you’ll be damned if you’re going to work on your birthday or through the inevitable hangover the next day, nonetheless it’s still #onlytuesday and that means…

Jun 12, 2018

It’s my first it’s #onlytuesday post since turning 40. I thought I’d mellow with age, but the fact that it’s still #onlytuesday has me all: Burn it down! Burn It Down! BURN IT DOWN!

Jun 19, 2018

Monday felt like a week unto it-fucking-self, and I woke up today with the existential, certain dread of knowing that it’s still #onlytuesday. Hope your week is going better.

Jun 19, 2018

The only good thing about #onlytuesday is that you have 4 days left in this week to contact your representative & tell that motherfucker that we don’t separate children from families and keep them in cages in modern America. Especially not people who have come to us for help.

Jun 26, 2018

Like heat lightning when you’re praying for rain. It’s like that because it’s still #onlytuesday

Jun 26, 2018

“May the Forces of Evil become confused on their way to your house.” -a little blessing from St George (Carlin). George knows we need it because it’s still #onlytuesday Good luck.

Jul 3, 2018

When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary to recognize that it’s still… #onlytuesday … We hold these truths to be self-evident, that the week is too long, that time slows down the closer we get to the end of the day, & that our glasses are too empty for this.

Jul 10, 2018

Getting randomly angry in the middle of the day? Must be because it’s still #onlytuesday

Jul 17, 2018

Remember the glory days, the all or nothin’ days, days when you completely forgot the clock, days when your pulse raced and your blood sang… Remember all of that, and you might just get over the fact that it’s still… #onlytuesday …maybe…

Jul 24, 2018

When you realize the dog’s looking at you funny because you’ve been singing Ballin’ the Jack, out loud for the last ten minutes, must be because it’s still… #onlytuesday

*first you pull your two knees way up tight…*

Jul 24, 2018

TFW you’ve sat on the toilet so long you can’t remember a time when you weren’t shitting. It’s like that because it’s still… #onlytuesday (Long enough to deserve 2 posts)

Jul 31, 2018

A thing out of myths and legends. The stories are lies, but the horror is real. Again and again, it returns to darken your days and haunt your dreams because it’s still… #onlytuesday

(Run, you fools. RUN!)

Aug 7, 2018

Ever been in a meeting so long that your brain, along with your will to live, starts leaking out your ears? It’s like that because it’s still… #onlytuesday

Aug 14, 2018

When it’s too early to start drinking, that’s how you know it’s still… #onlytuesday

Aug 21, 2018

Ever notice people tell you they value your time while they’re busy wasting it? Yeah, it’s like that, because it’s still #onlytuesday *yes, I’ll hold*

 

Aug 28, 2018

B: It’s #onlytuesday. Oh, I’m sorry, Carl. You say that.

C: What, Bob?

B: It’s #onlytuesday.

C: It is?

B: No, Carl. You say that.

C: What?

B: It’s #onlytuesday.

C: It is? B: Never mind, Carl.

(with apologies to Mel Brooks)

*why do I always get a warped one?*

 

Sep 4, 2018

The Pres publicly excoriating the AG for doing the job, idiots are torching their Nikes, and it’s still #onlytuesday. What’s next? Kavanaugh just a bunch of barely sedated cobras stuffed in a suit? Ted Cruz actually the Zodiac killer, w/ a time machine? 1 day off isn’t enough…

Sep 11, 2018

If you find yourself angry, for no good fucking reason, it might be because it’s still… #onlytuesday

 

Sep 18, 2018

B: Carl, why are you carrying a pumpkin?

C: It’s the Autumnal Equinox, Bob.

B: That doesn’t explain why you’re also dressed like one.

C: I’m wrong to love Fall?

B: Guess not. Just 2 points?

C: What?

B: Equinox isn’t until Sat, & it’s still #onlytuesday

C: I hate you.

B: Happy fall, Carl.

 

Sep 25, 2018

You know it’s still #onlytuesday when the only thing you can do to pull out of the slump is listen to this song, over and over: AC/DC-big balls

Oct 2, 2018

There is a dark, writhing thing. It’s slippery-cold tendrils coil against your skin. It has always been here, the acid memory of it eating you from the inside. And only now, when it is too late, do you finally realize it’s still… #onlytuesday

Oct 9, 2018

Somewhere, out there in the night, Where the trees grow dense, and choke the light, Somewhere close, but just out of sight, it’s #onlytuesday waits to fright. … BOO!

Oct 23, 2018

Is it the hungry wraith that stalks the night? The foam-flecked wolf, ready to bite? Is it the blade-cold dark just before Midnight? No, something worse, because it’s still #onlytuesday Run, run for your life!

 

Oct 30, 2018

C: Why are you dressed up? Halloween isn’t until tomorrow.

B: I AM THE GRIM REAPER, CARL. I’VE COME FOR YOUR SOUL.

C: You’re just Bob in a costume.

B: NO.

C: No? You’re really Death?

B: YES.

C: But I’m too young to die.

B: IT IS YOUR TIME!

C: Please, no. I don’t want to go. Not yet! Please!

B: Calm down, Carl. It’s just me, Bob, in a costume.

C: It’s not my time? B: No, Carl, It’s not.

C: Whew. That’s a relief.

B: But it still #onlytuesday

C: I’ve changed my mind. I’m ready to go now.

B: Happy Halloween, Carl.

C: I hate you, Bob.

B: I know, Carl. I know. *laughs maniacally*

 

Nov 6, 2018

B: Hey, Carl.

C: Bob, if you’re going to tell me it’s still #onlytuesday again, don’t. I already know.

B: No. Carl. I was going to tell you that it’s still #ElectionDay & you should go vote.

  1. You mean I didn’t miss it?

B: No, Carl. You didn’t.

C: Woo-hoo!

B: Happy voting, Carl.

 

Nov 13, 2018

Ever put a Q-tip in your ear, pull it out, and it’s missing the cotton swab? And you can’t remember if it had one going in? Yeah, it’s like that because it’s still… #onlytuesday

*what is that rustling noise?*

 

Nov 20, 2018

B: Carl, why are you wearing sweatpants to work?

C: Need the elastic waist, Bob. *pats belly* Got to make room for Thanksgiving feasting.

B: But isn’t it still #onlytuesday ?

C: Got lots of warming up to do to be ready for Turkey Day,

B: Of course you do, Carl. Of course you do.

 

Nov 27, 2018

TFW you step out of a nice, hot shower on the first really cold day, yeah, it’s like that, because it’s still #onlytuesday *shivers convulsively* need more towels*

Dec 4, 2018

Ever find out you have a jagged fingernail, by accidentally scratching a bloody hole in your face? Yeah, it’s like that, because it’s still #onlytuesday

*it’s not a zit!*

Dec 11, 2018

They say just about anything is better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick, but given that it’s still #onlytuesday I think I’d rather have the jaunty eye patch.

 

Dec 18, 2018

C: Hey, Bob, is that a statue of Cthulhu?

B: The Solstice approaches. Prepare for the Dark Dreamer’s awakening.

C: But what about Christmas?

B: There will be nothing left but ash in your stocking once the Great Abomination rises!

C: But I’m not ready for R’lyeh to rise!

B: Relax, Carl. It’s just a tiki cup I blackened with a blow torch. No biggie.

C: You’re not trying to summon the Elder Gods?

B: No, Carl. But it is still #onlytuesday

C: I’ll take the apocalypse.

B: Well, there’s still time.

C: IA! IA! CTHULHU FHTAGN!

B: IA, IA indeed, Carl.

 

Dec 25, 2018

C: Merry Christmas, Bob!

B: Not everyone celebrates Christmas, Carl. For some of us, it’s still #onlytuesday

C: How about Merry Tuesday, then?

B: I suppose that could work, Carl.

C: Then, MERRY TUESDAY, Bob!

B: Happy Christmas, Carl.

 

Jan 1, 2019

Well, it’s still #onlytuesday and #NewYearsDay you know what that means… … …1 down, 51 to go. (Seriously, though, have a happy New Year! I hope you have something to look forward to, to get you over all the Tuesday humps to come.)

Jan 8, 2019

Ever finished taking a dump and had the sinking feeling that you’re going to spend the rest of the day waiting for the other shoe to drop? Yeah, it’s like that, because it’s still #onlytuesday

Jan 15, 2019

ME: Why do I have Elvis’ Blue Christmas running on a loop in my head?

Also ME: No idea. Is it because it’s still #onlytuesday?

ME again: It’s a goddamn conspiracy! Somebody call that Texan that gets red-faced and yells a lot!

One more time, ME: Care to narrow that down a bit?

Jan 22, 2019

Yeah, today may have felt like Monday, all day, but once you realize it’s still #onlytuesday you… …wait a minute. It’s still Tuesday? Who thought up this bullshit?! That’s it. I’m calling a meeting and we’re going to sort this shit out… …We DEMAND TO SEE THE MANAGER!

Jan 29, 2019

Ever had the feeling you’re forgetting something? Has that feeling haunted you all day, like a dark shadow you just can’t shake? I had it, just a second ago. It was just on the tip of my tongue… …wait a minute! It can’t be that it’s still #onlytuesday can it? Well fuck!

Feb 5, 2019

So, the president’s going to give a little speech tonight. What’s he going to do, tell us it’s still #onlytuesday? *hears whisper from offstage* What?! No. Can’t be! The Union is doomed! *screaming in the background* *glass breaking* *explosions*

 

Feb 12, 2019

C: Hey Bob, any plans for Valentine’s Day?

B: I might be taking a certain someone out, Carl.

C: Ooh, who?

B: Your wife.

C: What?!

B: Relax, Carl. I’m just trying to distract you from the fact it’s still #onlytuesday

C: Oh, that’s good. For a minute I thought I was married.

 

Feb 19, 2019

Just had the religious folk show up on my doorstep, and I spent 10 minutes schooling them on the Bible. If there’s a more #onlytuesday moment, I’m missing it.

Feb 26, 2019

Ever had to hold in a fart, because you knew if you didn’t, things would not end well? Yeah, it’s like that because it’s still #onlytuesday

Mar 5, 2019

Well, hell. I guess if it has to be #onlytuesday at least it’s a fat one. Laissez les bon temps rouler! *dodges flying beads*

Mar 12, 2019

Ever had that feeling on your hands, and you can’t tell if it’s cold, or wet, or a brain hemorrhage? Yeah, it’s like that because it’s still #onlytuesday

(Does anyone else smell burning feathers?)

Mar 19, 2019

Ever had one of those mornings where, by 10 o’clock, you can honestly not remember if you brushed your teeth? Yeah, it’s like that because it’s still #onlytuesday

(Does this taste funny? I think it tastes funny…)

Mar 26, 2019

Because day-long meetings must, Absolutely Must, include ice breakers & dramatic re-enactments. Must be #onlytuesday again.

Apr 2, 2019

Either I have developed hay fever, for the first time in 40 years, or I am actually becoming allergic to the fact that it’s still #onlytuesday. Really, it could go either way.

*sneezes uncontrollably until the furniture breaks*

Apr 9, 2019

For a moment this morning, I thought I had my underwear on backwards. Turns out, nope, it’s just still #onlytuesday. *…still doesn’t explain why I’m walking funny…*

Apr 16, 2019

I’ve erased several tweets already because they were just too mean. After all, it’s still #onlytuesday, why add to the misery?

Apr 16, 2019

TFW you’ve realized there aren’t enough drugs for this day. Must be still #onlytuesday.

*fekkin’ child-proof caps!*

Apr 23, 2019

THW you’re on the toilet, and you say, out loud, to your stomach, “You’re dead to me now…” Yeah, it’s like that because it’s still #onlytuesday *Shhh, or it’ll hear you*

Apr 30, 2019

TFW you feel like you’re being drained of all your precious bodily fluids, but then you realize, no, it’s just that it’s still #onlytuesday. *somebody get me Slim Pickens!* #HowIlearnedtoStopWorryingandLovetheBomb #MineShaftGap

 

Apr 30, 2019

C: Hey, Bob. Why are you lighting candles and muttering?

B: Well, Carl, it’s Hexen Nacht.

C: Huh?

B: Witches’ Night, Carl.

C: Oh, I thought it was something really terrifying.

B: It’s also still #onlytuesday

C: Get the salt!

B: As much as you can, Carl, as much as you can.

 

May 7, 2019

TFW you want to gnaw on the skulls of everyone you meet, if they don’t let you get just a little more sleep. Is it me, or is it just because it’s still #onlytuesday?

(I’d think seriously about a helmet if I were you…)

May 14, 2019

Ever had the theme song from The Smurfs leap, unbidden, into your head and repeat itself, over and over like some psychotic fever-dream merry-go-round of your youth? Yeah, it’s like that because it’s still #onlytuesday

*La La La-La-La-La La La-La La*

May 21, 2019

New thing, feel free to start using it: OFTS “Oh for Tuesday’s Sake!” Because let’s face it, the fact that it’s still #onlytuesday makes the odds of that other thing go way down.

*not that kind of going down*

May 28, 2019

When you had Monday off, and it still feels like Monday, that’s how you know it’s still #onlytuesday

Jun 4, 2019

TFW you’ve had the Dixie Chicks stuck in your head all day and now you only know two things with dreadful certainty: 1) that it’s definitely still #onlytuesday & 2) Earl really has to die. *whistles catchy murder song*

 

Jun 4, 2019

C: Hey Bob, what’s with the birthday cake?

B: HE’S got a birthday coming up.

C: He who?

B: The person that writes these little stories.

C: What little stories?

B: Us, Carl. Our stories.

C: Bob, you want me to believe there’s a person, typing these words at the very moment they are coming out of my mouth?

B: Yes, Carl. And he has a natal anniversary looming.

C: So, it’s like were some figment of someone else’s imagination?

B: Yes.

C: And this person, who is telling our story, has a birthday soon?

B: Naturally, hence the cake.

C: Whatever. Next, I bet you’ll try to convince me that it’s still #onlytuesday?

B: Well, now that you mention it…

C: Don’t say it, Bob. Don’t even.

B: I was just going to wish Him a happy early birthday.

C: Happy early birthday invisible person making me talk.

B: See. Carl, now you’re getting the idea.

C: This is Meta AF.

B: Indeed it is, Carl. Indeed it is.

 

Jun 11, 2019

Starting to get emails for life insurance and wondering if I should be worried, but no, turns out it’s just that it’s still #onlytuesday. *it’s not paranoia if they really are out to get you*

Jun 18, 2019

You’ve come all this way, right to the edge and beyond, pushing yourself past every limit, only to discover, with a hollow certainty, that you’ve been here the whole time… … and it’s still #onlytuesday

Jun 25, 2019

Was thinking of an #onlytuesday post, then remembered we’re keeping babies in cages & people are arguing if Concentration Camps is the right term as opposed to storming the goddamn things & doing what we know is right as human beings, & decided it was bad enough already.

 

Jul 2, 2019

B: In light of the coming holiday, Carl & I would like to take this time to talk a little about fireworks safety. Carl?

C: Hold on a sec, Bob. Just got to get this fuse lit.

B: Is that a bottle rocket sticking out of…

C: Sure is.

B: Dear lord, Carl, we’re here to talk safety.

C: Well, you could work the lighter.

B: Not that type of safety.

C: I’m wearing safety glasses.

B: Eyes should be the least of your worries.

C: Really, why?

B: Because the 4th is on Thursday & it’s still #onlytuesday

C: Damn, should’ve used a longer fuse.

B: Indeed, Carl. Indeed

 

Jul 9, 2019

Was trying to think up a Tuesday joke, but remembered that our gov’t is keeping children in cages & we still haven’t stormed those camps like the fucking Bastille! But take heart, ’cause it’s #onlytuesday and there’s still time.

*maybe when I get the blood out of my eyes.*

Jul 16, 2019

Warren Zevon is dead, and Justin Beiber continues to make albums. And if that wasn’t bad enough, it’s still #onlytuesday. *Send Lawyers, Guns, and Money…*

Jul 23, 2019

You know it’s Tuesday when you haven’t been able to think up a decent #onlytuesday joke all day. *Now in NEW depressing meta*

Jul 30, 2019

The sun’s gone down here in the East. Could it be, did we escape? Shhhh, quiet now. It’s still #onlytuesday for a few more hours. maybe we’ll just slip by…

Aug 6, 2019

Ever notice how it takes longer to wipe when you’re in a hurry? Is it just me, or can we blame it on the fact that it’s still #onlytuesday?

Aug 13, 2019

TFW you’ve had K.C. and the Sunshine Band’s “Boogie Shoes” repeating in your head for the last hour or so. Is it a stroke, or is it just that it’s still #onlytuesday?

Aug 20, 2019

Went through my entire workout listening to Grand Funk Railroad’s cover of “The Loco-Motion” on repeat. Could it be indicative of a perilous mental state, or is it just that it’s still #onlytuesday? You be the judge

*you gotta’ swing your hips now…*

Aug 20, 2019

I managed to survive #onlytuesday, thanks mostly to a constant loop of The Loco-Motion running in my head. Probably won’t be any ill effects, right? I’ll let you know if I feel any come on…

…come on do the Loco-Motion, come on, come on do the Loco-motion with me,

Aug 27, 2019

TFW you’re trying to pick change up off a smooth surface right after you cut your nails. Yeah, It’s like that because it’s still #onlytuesday. *seriously, just put it in my fekkin’ hand. I wash, semi-regularly*

Sep 3, 2019

The fact that it still feels like Monday is the single most #onlytuesday thing in history.

*holiday, my ass*

Sep 10, 2019

Where were you when you learned that bacon does not pair well with Cherry Coke Zero? Well, I’m not sure where I was, but I’m pretty sure it was still #onlytuesday at the time.

*I thought bacon went w/ everything? *

Sep 17, 2019

TFW you discover the ‘Wipe Reflex’ for the first time… Yeah, it’s like that because it’s still #onlytuesday

 

Sep 24, 2019

C: Hey, Bob. Why are you wearing all black?

B: Yesterday was the Equinox, Carl. I’m celebrating the Season of Dying.

C: You mean Fall?

B: Yes, Carl Fall.

C: Oh good. Thought something horrible happened like it’s still #onlytuesday.

B: Well…

C: Not now, Bob. I’m in mourning.

 

Oct 1, 2019

I don’t know what foul, unnamable deed we committed to be cursed with this baleful day, this pestilent #onlytuesday, but it probably has something to do with the fact that your mama don’t dance and your daddy don’t rock ‘n roll. *well, that’s what I heard.*

Oct 8, 2019

It looks like I drink a lot on vacation, and I do. But I haven’t forgotten that it’s still #onlytuesday for the rest of you, and you have my sympathies. I’ll drink one* in your honor. *one for each of you. ** If I’m not back in a week, alert the authorities.

Oct 15, 2019

Here’s a petty thing that’s pissing me off: People who use the word “guise” when they really mean “mode”. Oh, and the fact it’s still #onlytuesday doesn’t help any either…

Oct 15, 2019

I just sat through a meeting/ Q & A with so many canned answers I’m thinking of starting a scrap metal drive. Oh Yeah, and apparently it’s still #onlytuesday… I’m beginning to notice a pattern.

Oct 22, 2019

There’s an eerie howling like the wind through the eaves. You shut every window, lock every door. Still, it follows you as you search in vain for its source. Is it an unquiet spirit, moaning for your very soul? Or is it still #onlytuesday & it’s just your stuffy nose whistling?

 

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Life is What Happens…

…When you’re making other plans.

– John Lennon

I’d made plans, and to tell the truth, I’m doing pretty good on completing them to spec. But I’ve let the blog slip down to lowest priority. So it hasn’t been getting done.

So, this morning, instead of reorganizing a filing cabinet, I’m here, doing this.

Use your laziness to your own advantage.

If you can be bothered.

Mostly this is an update, because really, what else would it be?

(I do have some posts of a less ad hoc manner brewing, but, well, you’ll see in a second. Why ruin the surprise?)

I’ve been writing Book 3 of the 3rd Eye Detective series. Early days yet – mostly notes, but making good progress. I’ve given myself a March 1, 2020, deadline, mainly because I’ll have Book 2 coming out in the Spring and I remember how hectic it was last time. Don’t think I’ll have the brainpower for original narrative.

Regarding Book 2, for those of you who are fans of Caleb and his adventures, yes it will be released sometime in the Spring. If you’ve been paying attention, I’ll bet you can predict when, but I’ll save the actual release date for a little further down the road. Something I can tell you – I’m probably burying the lede here – is that I will do a title reveal for Book 2 soon. How soon? Halloween-soon.

In 10 days. Mark your calendars.

Also in Book 2 news, I got my edits back from my new editor. I think we’ll work well together. Now I just need to find a good copy-editor at a decent rate. Of course, I’ll need to finish the edits before that, so I’ve got a minute or two.

In related news, the giveaway went well. Care to say, I had enough participants to actually make it a drawing.

Sometimes the reminder that I am a debut author, and not even vaguely well known, is a bumpy road. But them’s the breaks. It’ll get better as more people get to know my work.

Speaking of, if you’ve read Drawn to Flame, please consider leaving a review on Amazon, Goodreads, a 50 ft tall billboard along the highway, you know, whatever you can manage. The social proof really helps – with algorithms and with real people. The more eyes I can get on my books, the better they’ll sell. The better they sell, the closer I get to being able to do this full time. And that means more actual blogging, because time.

I’m not technically doing NANOWRIMO (National Novel Writing Month) this year, but I’ll definitely be writing with the rest of my peeps. I may sign in a leave a word count, but it’ll be a sporadic thing, at best. So, if you’re looking for wordsmith solidarity, hit me up on Twitter. It’s faster and more likely to occur in a timely fashion. As always, I’m around if you’re needing a pep-talk or some writing advice.

I hope you’re Fall is off to a good start.

If you’re writing, I hope it’s going well. Keep it up, even if you feel it isn’t.

Until next time…

 

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Book Announcement Stuff!

So, recall when I mentioned the coming Autumnal Equinox, and how there might be a celebration happening?

Yep, it’s happening.

I’m running a sale and holding a contest/ giveaway.

The 2 questions you’re asking are: how much is the sale? & what are you giving away?

(maybe, also, what do I have to do?)

I knew I could count on you to get to the bottom of this mystery.

FIRST: the sale:

Drawn to Flame will be on sale for $2.99 for the week of the coming Equinox.

(Given the overlap of the various retailers, it may be more than a week by a smidge. Might end up being 9/20-9/29.)

That’s how I celebrate. Who knew?

SECOND: the contest/ giveaway:

I’d like your help to spread the word.

To show my thanks I will be giving away (3) $15 Amazon gift cards and (3) signed paperbacks w/ limited edition bookmarks.

(Only local friends got these bookmarks. I’m hoping to make at least three more friends, non-local, during this 6 month anniversary of Drawn to Flame’s release. I will pay for all shipping. Giveaways are giveaways.)

IMPORTANT DETAILS:

The contest/ giveaway will run on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram.

One winner on each platform will receive both the $15 Amazon gift card and the signed paperback. 1 winner per platform, 2 prizes each.

(Giving away my book is easy to understand. I’m giving away the gift cards because the thought of encouraging people to buy more books, not necessarily mine, makes me happy inside.)

We want to be winners. So, how do we help?

Easy, peasy, lemon-squeezy:

Once per day – leading up to the Equinox – I’m going to post the special on each of the platforms.

Pick which platform you prefer, like the post, share it, and tag 1 friend who digs urban fantasy. (don’t tag them in the picture, just in your post.) When you share, use #DrawntoFlameSale . This is how I will be able to find and log you for the drawing.

You can enter once per day, per platform. On the Equinox itself, I will gather all the posts that participated for each platform, and will essentially draw names out of a hat. Your name will go into the hat 1 time for each time you participated.

For instance: Like, Share, and Tag on one day on one platform, one copy of your name goes into the hat. Do the same thing, once per day for say, 14 days, 14 copies of your name go into the hat. Same thing, on all three platforms for 14 days: 42 copies of your name go into the hat.

I will gather all the names, and do a separate drawing for each platform. I’ll announce the winner on the respective platforms.

(It occurs to me that might make a cool FacebookLive spot, but I’m not sure of the logistics for making that happen. I’m not a Luddite, but I may be Luddite adjacent.)

So, for clarity’s sake the TL:DR rules:

This is only available to residents of the United States.

(I’m fine with other nationalities joining in, I’m just not ready to pay for international shipping yet. Maybe next time?)

The event will run from 9/9/19 through 9/22/19

(The Equinox is 9/23/19)

My close, personal friends and family are excluded from the contest/ giveaway.

(I still want them to help, but I’ll end up buying them drinks and food instead. Yes, locals have more fun.)

Only Tag 1 friend, 2 at the most – I don’t want to spam anybody and I don’t want you spamming anybody on my behalf.

If you want to participate on multiple platforms, feel free to tag a different friend on each. But, seriously, no spamming.

Each platform will have its various legal disclaimers attached, but let me state here that none of the platforms, not Facebook, not Instagram, and not Twitter in any way support, endorse, or are in any way to be held liable for this celebration. This is all me. If it screws up, that’s me too.

That’s my plan.

I’ll likely post the winner’s here as well, because cool people deserve recognition.

This post should go live around noon EDT. The platform posts will come sometime after.

(For those of you reading this on Facebook, this post doesn’t count. Waaaait for it.)

(Same for those reading this on Twitter)

It’s been a stressful, crazy, intense ride.

And I’m enjoying the hell out of it.

I’m glad you decided to come along with me.

Until next time…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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If You’re Going to Be Weird…

…Be so god damn good at it that the world can’t deny you.

(I suppose that’ll be my White Lotus Sermon, and like the Buddha, I’ll have to explain to anyone that didn’t immediately get the point, which probably is a good thing, as I don’t always immediately get the point myself.)

Our world, well our species anyway and this country – America – for damn sure, exist in a constant tension between conformity and individuality.

Be you VS. Do what is best for your community, (ie: conformity).

(BTW, I think this is a false dichotomy, but that’s the subject of an entirely different post.)

I was told, from the time I could recall, by parents, TV, books, etc… that all I had to do was, “Just be yourself.”

I’ll bet serious money you’ve heard the same thing enough times to classify it as a noxious cliche.

Two problems with that conditioning:

  1. The system we’re raised in appears engineered to produce standard-issue citizens, reliable as McDonald’s hamburgers – and just as boring.
  2. What if who we are conflicts with “the way things are”?

Because, if you’re at all out of the ordinary, our society tries to grind off your rough edges so you will, in fact, fit into that round hole.

And, at the same time, all the people we hold up as examples, all the people we honor – as a society – have, in no small part, definitively not adhered to the prevailing inculcation of the age.

And so, existing in this weird, double-bind sort of society, we come to know one thing for certain:

There is no comfortable middle.

If you’re weird, you have to be seriously weird. Entertainingly weird. Usefully weird.

Because, if you’re just a little weird, people think you’re off, wrong somehow.

Maybe they avoid you.

They definitely don’t invite you to all the hip parties.

(Hip Parties? People still say that, right?)

If you’re weird, you’ll have a difficult time working in any corporate setting. Or making your way in standardized schools. Or making time with whatever gender you prefer to be romantic with…

Unless you’re real good at hiding it.

Because that’s how the world we’ve created treats anything that deviates from the norm.

A standardized society can not stand someone who doesn’t meet the standard…

…Unless they blow it so far out of the park that the standard-folk can call it something admirable, yet notably unreachable, like genius.

You don’t have to take my word for it.

Spend some time observing the culture you belong to.

It won’t take long.

And then you’ll know.

If you’re weird, you can hide it. Many of us learned to, for too many fucking years.

Some of us still have to.

But what kind of life is that?

It is something terrible to live your life drenched in that low level of fear.

To never feel like you’re ever truly accepted.

So, until the society changes – meaning WE change it – the best way to live your authentic self is to be bombastic about it.

Be loud, proud.

Show them why you love it.

Show them why they should love the weirdness.

Most of all, show them why it’s good for everyone.

…and if you can get paid for it, all the better.

When we’re out loud about our weirdness, it lets other people borrow the sensation. It helps them – especially the ones in hiding – find the love for it in themselves.

And maybe it helps them love their own weirdness enough to start to share it with the rest of us.

And that makes us all better.

So, if like me, you’re a Bona Fide Weirdo, be good at it.

Until next time…

 

 

 

 

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And Now, The UPDATES!..

Ok, so maybe it’s not that exciting, but it is a writing update, and that might be interesting to two of you.

So, here goes.

I sent the second book in the 3rd Eye Detective series off to my new editor last Thursday. I’ll get the notes back sometime this month. Like I said, new editor. So, I’m interested to see her take on Caleb and his friends. She a good writer herself, and I hope we gel.

I’m still editing a short story – which will be given away for free when you sign up for my newsletter – later this month.

The six month anniversary of Drawn to Flame is coming up on 9/23 – the Autumnal Equinox. I have a few celebratory things planned, lest you thought I was going to let another seasonal cycle go by without doing anything. Keep an eye out. Could be some kind of sale. Could be some kind of giveaway. Could be anything!

(Ok, that you can get excited about. Perks me up, at any rate.)

What else?

I know there was something…

…Oh Yeah,

I started writing the third book in the series this month.

Ok, ok, technically I wrote the first couple of lines last month, but it was that close.

Yes, Caleb and crew, and maybe a few new, will be back stomping the terra in Knoxville for a third book.

Right now my plan for the series is six books, maybe seven.

Anyways, excerpts from the rough draft will probably appear in the monthly newsletter, ahem, ahem, if you were looking for another reason to sign up, other free stories, giveaways, and specials.

I’m looking to finish this book on or before March of 2020.

Hmmm, that date sounds interesting. I wonder what else happens in March of 2020?

That’s about six months. This will be fast drafting for me. Should be interesting.

As for Drawn to Flame, it’s still selling. And I’m still trying to get the word out.

(I’m also still willing to send a free copy to reviewers if there are any reading.)

I’ll also be looking for ARC reviewers probably around the next solstice.

You can help me get the word out by leaving a review, preferably on Amazon and/ or Goodreads. Or on your blog or Youtube channel.

So, that’s all the writing news that’s fit to print.

Thanks for coming along.

Until next time…

 

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Coping Strategies…

In a trend that is threatening to become the norm, I can’t muster the concentration to write the post I sat down to write this morning.

Maybe it’s just mornings?

(some days there just isn’t enough coffee.)

Thankfully it’s not the only thing I’ve been pondering lately.

Speaking of lately, recently – say, the last few weeks – I find myself giving more and more advice to people on Twitter, regarding potential coping strategies to use for their anxiety and depression.

Which should tell you something about the state of our modern mental healthcare system. No, no, I won’t say it explicitly – I’d like your head to not explode long enough to finish reading this post.

So, for kicks, I thought I’d make a bit of a list here. At least it will be a place to get started if you’re needing a place to start.

*DISCLAIMER*

I am not a doctor and this is not medical advice.

What it will be is a person who has spent most of his life suffering from anxiety and depression and has been looking for ways to keep going for something like 30 years now, talking about the things I have found useful.

So, to give this set of tactics some kind of structure, I’m going to break it into 2 sections:

Short Term & Long Term measures.

Let’s start with the Short Term.

These are what I do in the moment to help ease my symptoms. Read as: Emergency Measures.

The first and easiest thing to do is to remove myself from the stimulus that is causing the acute reaction. I.E: get the hell away from the thing freaking me out. If it’s too much of an emotional overload, which sometimes it is, then fuck it, get gone.

Sometimes you do have to just get away. No shame, no bullshit.

What if you can’t split?

I knew I could count on you to ask the perceptive questions. I have the best fekkin’ readers.

So, if I’m stuck here are the other methods I employ.

Breath Control.  There are a number of breathing methods that can calm you down. I’ll describe some of them here but definitely do some research to find more, as these may not be completely useful to you.

The most effective I’ve found is the 4x7x8 method. (Credit to Dr. Andrew Weil, who may not have invented this method, but it’s who I stole it from.)

Start by placing the tip of your tongue to the roof of your mouth, just behind your front teeth. Keep it there for the duration of the exercise.

Breathe in through your nose for a 4 count.

Then hold your breath for a 7 count.

Then exhale through your mouth – not moving your tongue – for an 8 count.

Do this circuit at least 5 times. (5 usually works for me. Occasionally I’ve gone as much as 10.)

Important point for this method: Keep your count length the same. Doesn’t matter if you use the one-one-thousand or one-mississippi method, or just watch the clock, but keep the counts consistent.

This has the benefit of working fairly quickly.

It’s a bit like hacking your nervous system.

There are a few methods similar to this. What they all have in common is that you will be exhaling for twice as long as you’re inhaling. That seems to be the action that triggers the mechanistic change in our nervous systems.

Another breathing method I have used successfully is Mindful Breathing.

This is a bit of an advanced technique and only works well if you have some training and practice in mindfulness meditation. And I’m not talking about that guided shit someone in HR thinks will make you more efficient/ productive at work. I mean actual Vipassana meditation. Look that one up. It’s all kinds of interesting.

Another method I use, rather frequently, but which requires practice ahead of time, I call Grounding.

(So, I have a long background in the martial arts. Practice any art for long enough and you begin to work with concepts of internal energy. Give it a name. For the hardcore skeptics reading this, I appreciate your skepticism. I will not talk about anything I can’t teach you to do in this post. I also will not ascribe to this technique any particular mystical significance. For all I know it could just be visualization, but it works for me.)

This technique works best when one is standing. (I find it works a little better for me when I have skin contact with the ground: bare feet on grass or soil, but it still works in sneakers on the pavement.)

Stand still, but do not lock your knees.

That’s important, so I’ll repeat it:

DO. NOT. LOCK. YOUR. KNEES.

Stand straight, allowing your bones to do most of the supporting of your structure. You may have to wiggle and sway a bit to find this balance point, but it’s there, so find it. You’ll notice it becomes a comfortable position fairly quickly.

For this next part, you can close your eyes, at first, to help the visualization, but as you get better with the practice learn to keep your eyes open. This is about a feeling, rather than a mental image.

Stand straight and breathe normally.

Imagine your legs as two hoses, or waterfalls, or pipes – whatever works for you.

Then imagine water rushing from your middle, through your legs, into the ground.

(it can be a rush, a trickle, whatever image you can create in your mind. You can also imagine it as beams of light. That’s worked for me as well.)

Do this until you can feel the movement inside your legs.

You don’t need to do it twice a day for 20 minutes each time or anything so structured. Once you can visualize it, you can practice it randomly throughout your day, 30 seconds here, a minute or two there. The more you do it, the better you’ll get.

When you can feel it – feel it, not just imagine it as a picture in your head – then you can use it.

When you feel yourself headed towards the badness, take the time to feel the energy flowing through your torso, down your legs and into the earth. The Earth is big. The Earth can take it. It can accept it without complaint.

And the Earth, the very ground under your feet, is also strong. It’s stronger than anything else you’ll likely experience in your life. And it’s got strength to spare.

So, let that feeling of water rushing, or of light, or of wind, it doesn’t matter, let that feeling flow into the ground, and – at the same time – feel the ground as it holds you up. Let the strength from the ground seep up into your legs, and then the rest of your body. Feel the bones of the earth supporting you just as your bones support your posture.

This is mostly visualization, and therefore a bit of an advanced method, but if you practice it, you can deploy it very quickly, even while walking.

But you have to practice it.

So, 1200 words into this post, and I’m just now switching over to the Long Term methods. Bit of a longer read than my usual. Thanks for sticking around.

The Long Term methods are what I employ, mostly daily, as a regular practice to help keep myself on an even keel. They help broadly and overall but are not meant for moments of intense freakout. I use them regularly to raise my base level.

These are, what I call, the 5 pillars of my mental health:

Diet

Exercise

Medication

Therapy

Meditation.

I’ll go over them each, briefly, because what works for me may not work for you and it’ll be better to stick to basic heuristics rather than getting deep into the weeds.

 

Diet: (relax, this just means your regular nutrition)

I eat in a way that makes me feel good, overall. Not necessarily good in the moment, but overall.

(for me, currently, that’s super low carb. Meat, nuts, green vegetables, butter, and some berries. But I’m also trying to lose about 60 pounds and this works well for me. YOUR MILEAGE MAY VARY. The other thing is, I don’t eat things that hurt me, like, again for me, anything with gluten in it, even if it’s amazingly delicious. [ok, sometimes I eat them, but not while I’m trying to lose weight. Too much inflammation for me].)

I recommend experimenting to find out what works best for you. Some genotypes do better with higher carbohydrates than others, some do better with higher fats. If you can’t consult a registered dietician, or afford one, which has been the case for most of my life, then read up on different protocols and experiment with them. Do restriction diets to see if you have food intolerances. There’s a ton of information out there, just do your due diligence in checking out their references and source material. Also, consult your physician before doing anything radical. 

 

Exercise: Get Some.

(Really. The odds are good you, like everyone else, aren’t getting enough. The body is made to move, and a lot more than you’d think.)

Beyond that, the research suggests that 30-60 minutes of vigorous exercise, 3-4 times per week has a beneficial effect – ie: it can lessen the intensity of anxiety and depression.

*Note: Exercise is not a cure-all. It most likely will not make your symptoms go away. Don’t count on it to do that. Also, it’s going to take a couple of weeks to feel the broader effects of exercise. It takes the human body about two weeks to begin to adapt to any physical stimulus. Again, again, your mileage may vary.

I like lifting weights. Training for either strength or hypertrophy works well for me.

Maybe you like cardio?

Great! Do that. The important point here is vigorous. The exercise must be intense, and it must be kept up for a certain length of time. (don’t worry, you can build up to it and begin gaining the benefits along the way.)

*If you’re going to employ this route, please check with your doctor to make sure you don’t have any health concerns that will be exacerbated by heavy exercise.*

 

Medication: (just a spoon full of… wait…no…)

Ok, this often the most touchy of all the subjects on my list. It’s one I didn’t deal with for a number of years, much to my loss.

See, I grew up in a time where behavioral health medications tended to make people into zombies. Fat, drooling zombies.

And that kept me vehemently opposed to taking medication for probably 20 years too long.

They have much better formulations and understanding of the subject now. It’s not complete, and not what I would call comprehensive, but it is a workable system, even if it requires experimentation. (There are some practitioners who are better than others, and there is a genetic test – expensive though it may be – which can help rule out certain medications for any individual. I hope that both these things will become more widely available, and soon. We need all the help we can get.)

I currently take the lowest dose of 2 different meds. I do this to minimize the side effects.

But I’ve been on them for a while, and like most medications for mental illness, I believe I am beginning to see diminishing returns. To wit, I will be finding a specialist to take over my med management. So, more experimenting for me. Much exciting! So side effects!

This is definitely something you want to see a doctor about.

 

Therapy: (your friends and family are not your therapists)

I’ll say it again: YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY ARE NOT, AND CAN NOT BE YOUR THERAPIST!

If you suffer from anxiety and depression, you need to have a professional to talk with.

Your friends and family can and should be a support system, but they can not function in the role of therapist. They’re not qualified – even if they’ve got a degree. Too much bias. And, news flash, your friends and family will tend to think more like you, more in the same vein as you, than a stranger.

And you need a qualified, licensed stranger’s perspective.

Find one you work well with and get to your appointments.

If you can not afford a therapist, look into if there are any local programs. Sometimes they are administered through your local health department. Also, there are often local charitable organizations they will help with this.

So, let me repeat: Get a Licensed Therapist. Your friends, family, and/or clergy are not therapists. They can and should be a support system, but don’t count on them for therapy.

 

Meditation: (well, it works for me 😉 )

I meditate almost every day.

If you’re just getting started, it’s best to make it a part of your daily practice for a good while.

There are a plethora of methods of meditation. Find one that works for you. (but try to find one that doesn’t cost you money. Like, $1,400 to learn Transcendental Meditation?! Fuck you very much.)

There’s only one method of meditation I learned which cost me anything, and it was less than $200 over the course of more than 6 months.

You can find legitimate courses of study that are completely free. Start there, but do your research. Seriously, there’s a lot of bullshit out there. Don’t pay for it, and do some looking to see where it comes from and/ or how it works. Everything comes from somewhere, and usually, that’s a discoverable quantity.

I have found 3 types of meditation particularly helpful for my anxiety and depression symptoms:

Mindfulness – actual Vipassana meditation. It takes a couple of forms. Some are easier than others to get started with, but all are a bit too detailed to go into in this post. Easy to look up a how-to though.

Mantra – Mantra meditation is one of a group of meditations that require you to narrow your focus and concentration to a single point/ image/ phrase/ sound. It’s nifty, and you should look it up.

Auto-Hypnosis – This is one is another visualization heavy practice, and you definitely need a quiet, undisturbed place to practice it. There are plenty of books on the subject. You’ll even find some useful videos on the web. This method is good for changing the internal characteristics of your thoughts. It is a way to create new patterns of thinking, especially about yourself. If you have anxiety and depression, odds are you have some not so positive thoughts about yourself.

*Be careful with Auto-Hypnosis. You need either to be guided or to have attained a certain degree of focus before it becomes effective. (No, you won’t be able to make yourself unconsciously cluck like a chicken.)*

 

So, that’s my 5 pillars.

There are a couple of other things I’d like to mention. I thought, originally that they might go without saying, but no. Somethings do need to be made explicit.

First: Make sure you’re getting enough sleep. And make sure it’s quality sleep. How do you know if it’s good sleep? You wake up feeling rested, that’s how.

There are few things you can do which will be more beneficial to your mood and mental health than getting enough good sleep.

Second: Take the time in your week or day to do the thing that you love.

(don’t let it go more than a week. Really, don’t let it go more than a day or two. You will notice a difference.)

I’m a writer. I actually enjoy the act of writing.

I also like reading.

Big TV and Movie fan as well.

Also, if you keep up with my social media you’ll have noticed this, I sing karaoke. Usually once a week. It’s a way to blow off steam that works for me.

Find those things that work for you and crowbar them into your schedule.

Really.

If you wait for there to be time, there never will be.

Make time for them, just don’t lose too much sleep to do it.

(I run into this problem as I often read before bed.)

 

I’d like to take this opportunity to restate an underlying principle of everything I’ve listed so far:

These are all actionable steps you can take. They don’t require faith, or belief – only experiment and observation.

(with the exception of the Licensed Therapist, they don’t require you to rely on other people either.)

 

To restate: these are methods that I find useful. Your mileage may vary, and where indicated, definitely consult with your physician before the undertaking.

Often, due to portrayals in the media, or our own lack of knowledge, we tend to think that there is a panacea, a one-stop cure-all for anxiety and depression when the truth is that there really isn’t.

There likely isn’t just a single cause either. It’s probably a constellation of causes, all adding up to The Suck.

If there’s one thing I think would benefit the majority of humanity, at least in this arena, it’s giving up on the idea that there’s a magic key out there.

Often it’s a bunch of little things piling up on us.

The good thing about recognizing that fact is that we can use the same process to feel better; a bunch of little things, over time.

(Any one of which could feel like a huge step in the moment. For me, many of them have. But they’re steps you can take. You have the ability. Take one tiny step and it makes you more capable of taking the next one. And then it’s dominoes.)

I hope this is useful to someone out there.

Try some or all of these suggestions.

Do your research.

Find new methods.

Share them with anyone you think will benefit, or anyone who asks.

If you come up with something that works for you, that, of course, isn’t listed here, please put it in the comments. You never know who it could help.

Well, this post ran long AF, as the kids say.

If you made it this far, thanks again.

Until next time…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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