Writing Update

Posted on July 23, 2013 by tessarnold2

the Great Agent Hunt is back in full swing.

Having been rejected by everyone on my first batch list, and a few more I added while querying, I have compiled and started sending out queries to the agents on my second batch list.

And I’ve already received one rejection.

Surprisingly, not taking it too hard. Maybe I just hadn’t had enough coffee when I read the email. Or maybe, unlike my short story submissions, I just have taken on the view of racking up as many rejections as possible for this novel. It feels easier to go at it that way, than to hang desperate hopes on each query I send out.

And I’m constantly learning. For instance, just recently – after 11 or so rejections to date – I have learned that a synopsis, in the publishing industry, is not the type of synopsis I learned how to craft in school. So, I spent several hours on the internet machine, this weekend, researching this new form of synopsis writing.

Part of me is annoyed that I didn’t know this stuff earlier – that I have to learn it anew – and part of me is excited to learn the new thing.

I’m weird like that. I suspect most people are.

So, I move forward, hopefully, having enough information now to not be rejected out of hand, like some bumbling fool who doesn’t even know what standard manuscript form is…

…Hopefully.

Who knows? Maybe it’ll work with this round.

All I do know is that I can’t give up.

Not that I won’t give up, but really that I can’t.

Which brings me to a sentiment I hear occasionally, usually directed at artists of one stripe or another:

“What if it’s just not meant to be? Would you be happier if you did something else?”

If you hear yourself saying that, or a similar phrase, prepare yourself to be slapped and be grateful if the person to whom you are saying such a dreadful thing is too polite to do so.

Here’s the thing about dreams that people without them don’t yet understand.

(I say yet, because at sometime in everyone’s life, they will have a dream that fits this criteria.)

The thing with a dream is, that the idea of being unsuccessful is easier to bear than the idea of not trying.

Failure is just a stage in the learning process, but to give up on your dreams…

…Might as well book a cemetery plot and buy a nice outfit to be buried in.

Because giving up on your dreams is the closest thing you can get to dying while still remaining on this side of the dirt. Give up on your dreams and you wander the land, an empty shell of a human being, just marking time until the Grim Reaper stops by on one last visit for tea.

Having a dream is the reason for living. And everyone’s dream is different, and some people haven’t found theirs yet. But the dream makes individual existence meaningful. It is the thing you do when you’ve managed some free time from the things you have to do to survive.

Doesn’t matter what that thing is, and it does not matter if you make your living doing it.

(Although, speaking as a writer, making my living from my writing is one of my long term goals.)

Dreams, we chase them and try to live them because it would be unbearable to not do so.

I am a writer.

This part of my dream I live.

To make a living from my writing, to have as many people as possible share in my expression and my work, that is the dream I’m still chasing.

And that’s why I keep learning.

That’s why I can’t give up.

Posted in The Writing Life | Tagged , , | 2 Comments

The Desperation of Education

Posted on July 19, 2013 by tessarnold2

I’m a student. I think I’ve mentioned that before.

I’m not wealthy. I think that’s come up too.

Those two things together mean, because grants won’t cover my education and I can’t afford one without assistance, that I have to take out student loans.

This used to bother me, a lot. Now, not so much. Just the price of getting by in America. It’s just another of those problems that is insoluble, so why bang my head against it until the little birdies circling my skull have little stars circling theirs?

I spend too much money on headache medicine as it is.

But, I was watching Book TV this past weekend – yes, I do that – and the subject came up.

I’m not here to pimp for the authors of the book from the show, nor the commentators on the panel. They just brought up a few ideas that have given me pause.

Nearly a week’s worth of pause before I could distill the vapors in my cranium down to a stronger brand of spirit.

So, if you’re the kind of person who digs liquor that grabs you by the back of the jaw and tries to drag your face down to the table, maybe you’d like to do a shot with me, metaphorically speaking…

Throughout the interminable length of my childhood, and a good portion of my adult life, I have been told that the key to getting by in America – to getting a good job, a house, a car, and a comfortable life – is education; specifically higher education.

Now, a broad definition of higher education would include trade schools, but mostly what people mean when they say “higher education” is college. Someplace where one gets a four year, or more, degree, a fancy sheep skin diploma, and some kind of alphabet soup added to the end of one’s name.

I know I never hear about trade schools, as a viable option to train America’s youth for continuous employment, touted in the media on anything like a regular or even rare basis.

Maybe you watch different media than I do, but I’ll wager your experience of “higher education” talk runs pretty much parallel to mine.
Why – you may be asking – would I have a problem with this?

Good question.

For a long time, longer than is good for a thinking and sometimes rational human being, I accepted this mantra of higher education as good, and right, and correct.

The way to move forward for the betterment of humanity and full employment.

(Okay, I’ll admit both those things may be myths, or, at least, they may only exist in some Platonic realm outside of our normal, everyday reality.)

But recently, I’ve begun asking myself a question:

Why?

Okay, more specifically:

Why is higher education, (i.e. college), necessary to find a good job and live a reasonably comfortable life?

And, secondarily:

Didn’t we, most of us anyways, go to school for twelve years? Weren’t we told we had to attend, as mandated by law?

What the hell was the point of that if it did not prepare us for any sort of employment that we could rely on to provide for the necessities of living in the modern world?

(If I have to spell those out, fine. Housing. Food. Medical care. Clothing. Transportation. Communication. – Yes, I know some people, especially those who like to overcharge for cell phone and internet use, like to say Communication is not a necessity, but I’d like to see them go a day, and get anything done, without it. When they can, I’ll listen to their hypothesis on the subject.)

On our own, an in times gone by, humanity has provided for the necessities of life – whatever they happened to be at the time – without a serious need for education; beyond of course, what one needed to learn to procure said necessities.

Is the world a better place with education?

Damn straight it is.

But what are we being educated for? And why is so much of it deemed necessary for daily survival?

Back to that pesky question: why are we forced to endure twelve years of schooling, when it doesn’t seem to provide the necessary skills or knowledge to help us survive, or even live something like well?

When I was a kid, we were told that one went to college so one could get a good job, so one could make some good money. That was the point: if you were smart and hard working, you could get a higher education and live a better, or at least, more comfortable life.

Sometime, after I graduated high school, the line shifted. It became about being able to get more fulfilling and long lasting employment.

“You don’t want to have to dig ditches or work in fast food for a living, do you?”

(As if there is anything inherently wrong with labor of that sort. A quick note here: there isn’t. There is nothing wrong with an honest day’s work. I don’t care if you’re unclogging toilets or teaching at a university, a calorie expended is a calorie expended. I cannot see the point in trying to say that one spent calorie is any more worthy than any other spent calorie, but that is a topic for another post entirely.)

Nowadays, the line about higher education seems to be:

“You need a degree to get any sort of job that will allow you to live at all.”

Okay, I may be wildly paraphrasing there, but I think you get the point.

But why is that?

Why is it that twelve years of primary education does not allow us, in the US, to be prepared to take on employment that pays enough to let us survive, or even thrive.

(Although, anymore, to ask to be able to thrive seems like a bridge too far.)

If our primary education system only prepares us to have to work at two, three, or four jobs to get by, why isn’t someone pointing out that the system is a great big failure?

Or, have we decided to promote it to the next grade so it will get to remain with its peers?

And let’s face it, the older system just won’t be able to fit in with the other, younger systems. It’ll feel alienated and its work will suffer…

A little history:

Our primary school system was designed to create workers fit to work in factories and mills during the industrial revolution. We needed people who understood marginally more than your average farmhand, about science and math, in order to populate factories and keep the goods pumping out, and the money pouring in.

It was never intended to prepare students for the kind of economy we have today.

Today, thanks to manufacturing jobs being moved out of the country, we have need of only about four types of workers. Information/ technology specialists, Trades/ Craftspeople, Administration, and Service people.

(This is very general. Feel free to figure out where specific jobs go, on your own time. Some of them probably overlap and are combinations.)

Almost nothing in our primary education system prepares us for those types of jobs.

(Yes, I know that some high schools have vocational/accounting/networking programs. It’s the ‘some’ part that bothers me.)

What does all of this lead to?

A couple of nasty problems, in fact.

1) For people with or without a high school diploma, and no higher education, the options for employment tend to fall into the category of service industry. I don’t know if you’ve looked at the statistics lately, but those jobs don’t pay well. Most of them don’t pay a living wage. Or, did you think people working two and three jobs did so just because they don’t like being bored, or, you know, sleeping?

This is a problem. And it’s a problem our primary education system, along with our own lack of gumption, (yep I said gumption), vis a vis our own, personal role in government has done nothing to solve.

I’m pretty sure all but the most masochistic of us would agree that this state of affairs is not one conducive the general health and well being of those concerned.

2) For people, like me, who choose to pursue higher education, this means, when we graduate and go out into the world to find work in our fields, we will be saddled with enough student loan debt to choke and elephant and a donkey at the same time.

Just breaking into the workforce also means that one is typically not earning anything like or near the peak earning for that field and educational background.
Combine that with a mountain of student debt and what you get is an entire class of people who can’t afford homes, cars, health care, or families.

What you get is a whole generation, or more, that cannot contribute to this consumption driven society in any meaningful economic way.

What you get is dwindling middle class that cannot afford the thing we call, “The American Dream.”

A people without the hope that dreams bring, are a people that turn ugly; quick. Ugly to themselves and ugly to each other.

People who are ugly on the inside make for an ugly world.

In the 60s and 70s America lost its Soul. In the 80s and 90s it lost its Body. Now, in the new millennium America looks to lose the one thing it has left: its Dream…

…Its Promise.

I’d like to think it’s not too late. I’d like to think we can turn this around. There are people out there, working on the problem of education, not just in America, but around the world. Those people are out there, but there aren’t nearly enough of them. And the difference they make, when they can make a difference, is small, and often crushed under the heel of established tradition and a general unwillingness, by the larger body of academia and government, to experiment and change.

I’m not particularly into heavy patriotism, but I do know that America – my home – was great once.

(Great does not mean perfect.)

It was great for a number of reasons, not the least of which was, that of all the nations, on all of the continents, this was the one where a person had a chance for something better. It wasn’t a guarantee, but damn it, it was a chance.

Sometimes, a chance is all you need.

I look around now, and I see that chance, that one flickering hope, dwindling down to a fading glow, like a memory of candlelight, recently snuffed.

I do what I can to keep that flame alive. There are a lot of others that do as much and a lot more. But I get the creeping sensation that it will not be enough, that the forces of apathy, ignorance, overwhelming greed, general numbness of the populace, and a seeming inability to both argue and compromise will, in the end, be too much for this great experiment called America to handle.

This is a depressing post.

Sorry about that. Thought it was going to be more rant-y when I was pondering it.

Turn this off now, the whole thing, computer and all.

Turn this off and go do something that lifts your spirits; something that wakes up your soul. Go see a scary movie. Make love. Sit and stare out at the trees, or the clouds.

Go.

For me, I’ll be doing about the same.

Don’t worry. The problems will still be here when we get back.

Now, really, I should be going. And so should you.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Quickies

Posted on July 2, 2013 by tessarnold2

I spent a month in China, studying abroad, and managed to get sick two days before leaving to come home. Two more weeks at home sick, and just as I was beginning to feel better, I came down with a whole new illness.

This has led to an inability to think straight, or cohesively, for more than a few moments at a time.

And whereas, my two faithful readers may be used to relatively long dissections of some topic or another, and – what I like to think of as – artfully articulated and defended arguments about this or that, this post isn’t going to be one of those.

This post, as the title implies, is just a few quickies, and, like as not, will be more questions than thoughtful answers…

1) What the hell is going on with the Republican Party?
Seriously. I have never seen this much of a concerted effort to roll back individual rights in all of my life. And I do not use the term ‘never’ lightly. The Republicans, who used to be a party of individual liberty, small government and low taxes, have – in the last few years – turned into the party that predominately tries to limit or completely remove women’s reproductive rights, and to make being poor even harder than it has been in recent history. Their national platform has been about jobs and the economy, but when did that become code speak for “an all out war, on the local level, on the poor, on voting rights, on the President, and on the rights of women in this country”?

As a side note, when did older, affluent, white males decide that they knew what was best for minorities, the poor, and women in this country? And why hasn’t at least one of their more intelligent friends disabused them of this inherently flawed outlook on life? They must have some rational minded friends, or is not one member of the G.O.P. responsible enough to actually be his brother’s keeper?

2) Edward Snowden, the N.S.A., and why is it the media in this country can’t seem to find the bull’s-eye?
There’s a lot of nonsense, in the media, about the Snowden case; is he a traitor, will he find asylum in some non-extradition country, why did China let him slip through? Nonsense, all of it. None of it truly matters to you and me, here on the ground.

What does matter?

That our government has been using our own resources to spy on us – in clear violation of the constitution – and maybe, just maybe, we don’t want them doing that? This is the thing that matters here, not one man, and whether or not he got seriously up the nose of our government. Drones in the U.S., domestic, warrant-less spying on US citizens, whether or not our country has been sold out from under us, these are the questions the media should be asking. One would even go so far as to say that asking these questions is the primary duty of our much vaunted fourth estate. So, why aren’t they? Sure, some are, but they do not receive anything like the air time or national exposure of the outlets that are focusing on everything but the important points.

For those of you not into wild conspiracies, just the mundane ones, perhaps this is a question you, yourself, should be asking, and keep asking until someone gives you an answer that isn’t complete double-speak bullshit.

3) The media and the fake IRS scandal.
It’s something like a national pastime to bag on the IRS, and really, most of us can understand the very real loathing directed towards an organization that doesn’t even seem to understand the ramifications of its own gnarled, and nigh indecipherable tax code, and yet still continues to wield it as a truncheon against the people of the U.S.

But this, isn’t about that. No this is about the media, and certain interest group’s handling of the totally unsurprising revelations that the IRS was using its questionable powers against certain other special interest groups. First off, and please pay attention here, the IRS does not answer directly, (or even indirectly I think) to the President. There was no reason for people to lose their minds and start trying to call the President on the carpet about that bullshit.

(There’s plenty else to call the President on the carpet about.)

But still, people in the media turned it into a thing, and then tried to inflate it into more than it was. But what happened when it came to light that the IRS wasn’t just targeting right-wing groups, but left wing groups as well? Not a fucking peep from these moral/ social crusaders. Not a word. I barely found out about the second disclosure, and I spend a fair amount of time trying to stay up to date on these things.

This, I hate to say it, but this is also something you conspiracy theorists should probably take note of…

4) And that brings up conspiracy theories in general.
Now, I quite like wild conspiracy theories. In fact, the crazier the better. It’s entertainment to me. As, I think, it probably should be to everyone. The idea that 911 was an inside job, the theory that the moon landing was faked, or that the government is covering up evidence that aliens, in concert with the Illuminati, are, by a process of social, economic, and genetic engineering, out to change the face of this planet and install a one world government which will prosecute you for thought crimes, whisk your children off to permanent military style re-education camps, and steal everyone’s left shoe, is patently, and often demonstrably false. But it makes for a hell of an entertaining read on a rainy afternoon.

Here’s the thing; as entertaining as these wild conspiracy theories are, they only serve – when taken seriously – to distract one from looking into, or even seeing, the real, mundane conspiracies of everyday life.

And there are real conspiracies out there. Any time any group of like minded individuals gets together, and has resources to commit, there will likely be a conspiracy formed. Some of these will be out in the open, in which case we call them a movement, and some of these will be covert, and some will occupy the spaces in between. Just how it happens. Whether or not any given conspiracy s harmful, or whether or not conspiracies are harmful simply by their nature, is something for individual contemplation.

Here’s a little conspiracy theory for you – totally mundane: Since – because a Supreme Court clerk, more than a hundred years ago, added a note in the margin of a ruling – money equals speech in this country, those with more money have greater access and influence over our government.

I don’t think I need to tell you that this runs completely counter to the ideas of how democracy should operate. Because of this greater access and influence, these moneyed interests have more success at pushing their agendas forward in the legislature, regardless of whether or not it serves the public interest or even has the support of the majority. When profit is the main concern, and business has the loudest voice, how fares worker’s rights, or the minimum wage, or access to healthcare?

Maybe you conspiracy nuts out there should stop focusing so much on the wild and improbable, and look to the mundane and happening right now.

5) Student loans, or, are we trying to create a slave class in this country?
So, the rates on student loans just doubled, mainly because our federal government can’t agree on anything, including agreeing to disagree. And, (full disclosure here), I’m a student, and I have student loans.

I don’t come from rich people. I’m a 4.0 student, but I’m also 35 years old and not a member of any minority. So, not a lot out there, for me at any rate, in the way of available, non-debt forming money for school. I also have to work while being a student, so that always cuts into the Pell Grant money I’m eligible for.

(This is not some self pitying, blame it on others rant. I think minorities and women should get disproportionately more of the scholarship money that is out there. It’s the only way to try to correct the years of disenfranchisement any member of those groups has had to put up with, systemically, for their entire lives.)

So, I have student loans. If there is one thing that is worth going into debt for, it’s an education. I didn’t used to think so, but I was young and can be forgiven for being stupid.

I’m going to graduate, (again, and probably one more time after that), and, if I am not making my living as a writer, I’ll probably end up teaching. I’m a philosophy major, and teaching and discussing philosophy is one of my other main passions in life. There are worse things than getting paid to pursue one’s passion.

But, by the time I graduate, and can get a job in my field, how much money will I owe. I’ve been a little chicken to extrapolate that far into the future, but it’s likely going to be a lot.

And there’s the rub: what kind of job will I have to settle for, in order to be able to pay on my students loans, and keep paying them? What kind of treatment will I likely have to put up with in order to keep a job that allows me to pay them?

This is less of an interesting question for me as, if the writing thing isn’t paying my bills, I’ll be teaching, but more of a poignant question for those students who have taken a more product/ service oriented direction.

Will you have to work for a terrible boss, just to prevent your student loans from going into default and ruining your credit? Will you have to put up with horrible working conditions, bad pay, and worse hours? What if you can’t find work in your field? What if you have to take whatever job you can get, just to be able to pay?

Yes, these are, admittedly, worst case scenarios. But they are also questions everyone concerned should be asking themselves.

As for a slave class, well, think of it this way: if you’re a boss, you know an employee with several thousand dollars worth of student loan debt isn’t going to be the first, or even the second to rock the boat, because he/ she needs that job. And maybe, because they need it, he or she will be willing to put up with, oh let’s say, less than ideal conditions…

6) There is no Six…

No, really, no six.

I was going to say something about the constant media barrage over the George Zimmerman trial, and why don’t they have anything more important to report…

…I was going to say something, but it makes me too fucking angry

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Back from Outer Space..?

Posted on June 18, 2013 by tessarnold2

So, I had committed myself to post something on this site at least once a week, and then Finals happened, and Graduation, and a month long trip to China where, unsurprisingly, word press was totally blocked by the government. But now I’m back…

…With a sinus infection and 12 hour jet lag.

But still, in the next few days I hope to get back to the thing I love – part of which will be writing here. Not sure what it will be yet, but have no fear as there are a myriad of things, going on in the world, that either perplex, interest, or infuriate me. I’m sure I’ll have something to say. Although, I’m not sure how well I’ll be able to say it, given my present and fairly wretched condition. Them’s the breaks.

So, if you’re interested, I’m back. If you’re not, well, you’re probably not reading this…

More to come, and soon…

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

In which our author tries not to have an aneurysm…

Posted on April 5, 2013 by tessarnold2

I wanted to post something funny, just to break up the seriousness of my posts here, and then I watched the news…

…You’ve probably noticed by now that I tend to post about things that are bugging me. Sometimes it will be nifty, joyous, humorous things. I’m sorry, but not today.

What has been itching at the base of my neck like a hellacious case of radioactive ringworm is this tiny, 45 second, thing I saw on the news Wednesday night…

…In Indiana, last week, a group of control activists called Moms Demand Action, (maybe you’ve heard of them), were protesting – outside of the capitol I think. This is not what bothered me. People availing themselves of their Constitutional rights does not get under my skin. What did get under my skin like an acid-mouthed chigger was the group that was counter protesting against them; a gaggle of armed citizens.

Now, I do not know Indiana state law, but given the location, and the fact that no arrests were reported, I’d have to say that it looks to be legal to carry a firearm, openly, in that state. Again, no skin off my back…

…But, what stuck in my craw like a volcanic bur, was the intent. I’ll get back to intent in a moment…

Being what I think passes for a rational human being, I vented for a minute, then set about to see if, perhaps, I was simply having an unwarranted visceral reaction to the scene. To wit I posted a question on Facebook, and asked my friends – (yes I have a few) – what their initial, gut reaction is to seeing someone, not generally, culturally approved to have a weapon on display, displaying one. The responses, without going into boring statistical analysis, pretty much fell on a standard distribution curve. That is to say, most of the responses expressed that the respondent felt unease.

This is what I expected, and I’ll explain why.

We, as a culture – regardless of what one sees in movies, on television, or in video games – do not generally settle our disputes with violence. We just don’t. That’s why we have laws, and that’s why the society still holds together to this day.

A weapon, of any sort, is expressly a tool of violence. To see someone – again someone not culturally approved to be carrying one openly – displaying a weapon, (and not at a shooting range or sales/ collector venue), causes unease precisely because weapons are tools for violence, the displaying of which indicates a willingness on the part of the person doing the displaying to be violent.

In short, a weapon is a threat. Period.

(It doesn’t matter if it is used for self defense purposes, the threat of violence remains inherent.)

So, back to intent.

Imagine the scene: a group of unarmed mothers, lobbying for gun control – in this case the group is, I believe, attempting to get legislators to get on board with the ban on assault weapons and with restricting magazine capacity to a maximum of ten round clips – imagine this group of determined mothers, who want to protect not just their, but all children from the kind of violence that has been happening with increasing frequency over the last two decades. Now imagine them being circled, flanked, and surrounded by armed men; men not there to ensure the protection of these mothers’ constitutional rights, but to protest their protest. Imagine that for a second. Hold that image in your head.

Now, perhaps, you will understand the incendiary nature of my outrage.

There are some who will say that these armed citizens were just out to demonstrate and assert their own rights…

…And to those who say that, I say…

…Are you so far out of your goddamn mind that you can’t see how completely full of bullshit that statement is?!

Those armed citizens weren’t out there to assert their rights, they were out there to bully, with the threat of physical harm, other citizens that hold differing views. I know this because these gun-toting idiots weren’t holding signs. They weren’t chanting slogans. They were not sitting in and refusing to move until their government heard their voices. They were armed to the fucking teeth.

I saw, in one short video clip, one man with an AR-15 clipped to his chest, his hand resting on the weapon, like he was special forces and awaiting an order to take out terrorists. There was another man with one slung across his back and a pistol in the holster at his hip. Many others were loaded down with all sorts of firearms.

This is the opposite of peaceful protest. In fact, reason dictates that if one brings a tool of violence, then one is no longer availing themselves of their constitutionally protected right to peaceably assemble. Bringing weapons pretty much does away with the “peaceable” part of the act.

What they were doing was projecting a show of force. In other words, they were being bullies. They were, in fact – whether they’d like to admit it or not – using the implicit threat of violence in an attempt to cow the people they see as the opposing side. It’s that simple. Anyone that thinks otherwise, please kindly refer to the above statement about being out of your goddamn minds and take a moment to think this through more clearly.

You see, most people, 9 out of 10 I’d say, know exactly what kind of statement carrying a weapon openly makes. The one that doesn’t is probably too far gone to respond to reason. The armed folks in Indiana, counter protesting, sure as shit knew what kind of statement they were making.

That statement, if I need to spell it out, is, “agree with me or else”. In essence it is a return to the old idea of might makes right. But we don’t ascribe to that notion in this country, and haven’t – or so we say – for more than two hundred years. And it’s a good thing too, because what these deluded fools don’t realize, what they haven’t pondered, is what happens when that ideology is taken to its logical conclusion.

What happens is – and I hope the gun brandishers are paying attention – that it gets used on you. Sure, you have a gun, but others do too. And if there are more of them than you, do you wish to capitulate to their demands simply because they have more firepower?

I didn’t think so.

There’s a line in the movie A Man for All Seasons, about the life of Sir Thomas More, that I think is instructive here:

“…And when you have cut down all the laws in pursuit of the Devil, and the Devil turns to face you, what then will you hide behind?”

What then? When the guns are turned on you and there are more of them than you, what will you do?

This point is what I think they haven’t thought out fully. We have laws, as a society, in part because we do not want certain things happening to us. It’s self preservation and there isn’t a damn thing wrong with it. As a bonus it helps to  keep the society running smoothly. In this country we have decided that might does not make right. We have decided that reason and the rule of the majority is how we will conduct ourselves.

And bullying, in any form, is not part of that process. It can not be, if the process is to work.

And that’s what sent me into a stratospheric level of pissed off; these damn fools, throwing that all away because they’ve seen too many movies or listened to one too many media personalities who rail about this or that to keep their ratings up and the proceeds from ad buys rolling in.

But, if I am being honest, the bullying is what really set my engines to an escape velocity burn.

I hate bullies. Always have. And yes, I was bullied growing up, until I learned how to show the bullies that it was entirely too costly to keep up the practice.

So, yeah, I thought I might have been overreacting a bit.

But then I remember that image; mothers, peacefully protesting, circled by people that seem to consider themselves the bipedal equivalent of big, toothy sharks. I think of that image and I know that having my anger cranked up to eleven is justified.

I ask you to think of that image.

How do you feel about it?

It reminds me of the old joke: if you’re not outraged, you’re not paying attention.

Time to start paying attention.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Equality: Get with It

Posted on March 27, 2013 by tessarnold2

So, for those of you that have seen your social networking sites turn into seas of red-backed equal signs, I suppose you may have figured out by now that something fairly important is going on.

Yesterday, The Supreme Court heard arguments concerning the constitutionality of California’s Proposition 8, which bans same-sex marriages in that state. Today, the court heard arguments concerning the constitutionality of the Defense of Marriage Act, (DOMA for short).

Now, we won’t know what the court decides until sometime in June, when the opinions are released, but it hasn’t stopped people from talking about it.

And, why shouldn’t they be?

This is an important thing for the United States of America; an important moment. This is one of those moments where we get the chance to stand up and show with our actions that we really mean what we say with our words. And we, as a nation, should not let this moment pass unheeded. We damn sure shouldn’t let it pass without action. And I don’t think that people who only believe as I do, (which I’ll get to in a moment), should act. I think, if anyone wants to call themselves a citizen, and has something to say about this – or any subject really – he or she has the duty to actually say something.

Let me be clear about ‘say something’, as I realize it has lost much of its meaning in this electronically buzzing world of instant opinion, whenever and where ever a platform exists to express it. I’m not talking about social media, or blogs, or posting a video on Youtube. Although, feel free to do that to express yourself. No, what I am speaking of here, is saying something in the terms of how our democracy works. That means writing letters, actual pen on paper letters, to your local, state, and federal representatives. It means finding like-minded people and organizing to have your voices heard. In simple language, it means being a citizen, not just some schmuck with a computer and an attitude that just  happened to be born here.

In moments like these, the environment grows ripe with potential. How that potential grows, in what direction and how fast, or whether it withers or bears fruit, depends on you. It depends on what you do. (This is the universal you. So, by you, of course, I mean me, and them, and, okay, you too.) Moments like these are important for this grand experiment we call democracy. We are experimenting on ourselves here, maybe we should try to get it right, at least we could pay enough attention not to blow ourselves up or have to use that creepy little eyewash thing at the back of the lab. Seriously, it looks like it wants to eat my brain.

Anyways, momentousness. Please, pay attention.

So, what do I think about it?

(Well, you’re reading this. I figured you might be interested…)

I think same-sex couples should have all the rights of typically – up to this point anyway – traditional couples.

That means being able to marry.

I see no justifiable reason to exclude or discriminate against another human being based on what is essentially an accident of birth. I know that sounds wrong, but being born in America is an accident of birth, so is being born with the genetics to be tall, or fat, or smart, or athletic. That is to say, being born with or as something, and that is not a choice.

I am heterosexual, but I don’t remember ever choosing to be that way. And I have a good memory. I’m sure it would have stuck out, made it into a journal entry, something. Nope. Nothing there. No choice. And, strangely, this is how every homosexual, heterosexual, or bisexual person I have ever known or spoken with describes their experience as well.

Okay, so, sounds reasonable. What about the objections to same-sex marriage?

What about them? I haven’t heard a single one that wasn’t grounded in vaguely camouflaged homophobia, outright ignorance of the facts, a neurotic fear of change, or some type of religious prohibition. I’m really not trying to poison the well here. If there is a sound, reasonable argument why two adult citizens of these United States should not be able to – with full consent and both parties being of sound mind – enjoy the same rights as any other two citizens, I’d like to hear it.

So far, I haven’t.

For the uneducated, I recommend education; real fact-based education. For those afraid of change, or the ‘strange other’, I recommend growing up and getting over it. Doesn’t affect you. Period. End of Sentence. That leaves some of my favorite people; the religious prohibitionists.

I take a special moment to address these people, because, as both an Atheist and a student of many religions, it never ceases to amaze me what people will insist I, or anyone else MUST believe.

For those, out there, that insist same-sex marriage should be illegal because it is against God’s will, I have a few things to say.

1) Are you sure?

2) How do you know?

3) Prove it.

See, any sensible person has to come to the conclusion that, because so far the existence of any god has never been proven or disproven, that we, as a species just don’t know. The only thing we can be sure of is our absolute ignorance on the fact of whether or not a god, of any stripe, exists.

“But,” you may say, “I believe. I have faith.”

To which I reply, “Congratulations. You’re still gambling.” At which point I’ll probably pick up my chips and move to another table. Hard to play with someone who has forgotten it’s a game.

Here’s the thing, since we can NOT prove the existence of a god, we can not insist that others adhere to our beliefs about the supernatural. No one has that right. You gamble with your own soul – if there even is such a thing – and I’ll gamble with mine. To say that I, or anyone, has to adhere to your religious convictions is to say that you KNOW, for damn certain, what the answer is. I’ve met a lot of people like this. They KNOW. But when I question them about their reasons for believing as they do, they always resort to the explanation of Faith.

I do not know whether or not Faith, in and of itself, is a good thing. But I do know this; because one person believes a certain thing in no way obligates anyone else to believe in the same fashion, or at all, as in my case. Keep your faith all you like, but don’t fool yourself into believing you can use it as a justification to restrict my behavior or my rights. Not in this country anyways.

Which brings me to another aspect of the same-sex debate. No, not that hoary old chestnut about marriage being a traditional institution, between one man and one woman, reaching back to the dawn of time. No, I’ve actually studied history, and I know better. Hell, even if you’ve only ever read the Bible, you would know better. No, this particular angle comes in whenever someone starts talking about religious freedom and churches. (I have other things to say about churches, but I’ll do that in some other meandering post).

The argument, as I have heard it often stated, is that marriages are a religious function/ ceremony and therefore who is allowed to marry should be defined solely by the church.

And this is just fucking nuts.

Okay, I’ll elaborate. Marriages are, of course, performed in churches; sometimes. They’re also performed on lawns, in swimming pools, and while sky-diving. My mother was most recently married, like many people, by a justice of the peace. The fact is, if you have a marriage license, and a willing official, you can get married where ever the hell you like. Why?

Because marriage is a legal contract, bound by the laws of the government.

Marriage may have religious associations for many, but in the context of the laws in this country, marriage is a legally binding contract that confers certain rights and responsibilities. One is free, if one wishes, to consider marriage as a union of two immortal souls, or whatever. That’s the business of the individual. The business of a society is a different animal altogether. The business of a society is to regulate how we behave as a group; en masse. In our society, we have decided that no member of the society should be treated differently, by the law, than any other member of the society. This is what we tell ourselves about our values as a nation, and it’s time we lived up to it.

To deprive any law-abiding citizen of this country of any of the rights granted to the rest of society runs directly counter to what we say we hold dear as a culture and as a country. Simple as that.

If anyone has a problem with two men, or two women getting hitched, that’s fine, but really, it would be polite to keep to one’s self. Unless and until someone comes up with some fact-based evidence as to why two people – of the age of adulthood – of any gender should not be married, then they need to keep their opinions, fears, and neurosis out of the realm of law. What one feels about any subject, no matter how strongly one feels it, does not give one license to impose those feelings upon anyone else.

You want me, or anyone else, to adhere to your beliefs, you need to convince me that they are reasonable and correct. That you feel strongly about it does nothing to convince me of its correctness, because, for one I can’t feel what you are feeling, and, for two, I tend to require actual evidence.

I know, facts right?

So, to paraphrase the marriage ceremony I know the best, “If anyone has some factual evidence why two people of the same sex should not be married, let them speak now or…

…Forever hold their peace.”

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Frustration

Posted on March 26, 2013 by tessarnold2

That’s the word of the day; of the last several days as a point of fact. I imagine that every human being has those moments where we feel like we’re on a slow train, going nowhere. Sometimes we don’t even feel like we’re on the right track. I’ve been feeling that a lot lately.

I have heard it said that one should focus on the good things in one’s life, one’s blessings and the like. For my part, it’s good advice. The problem, as most of you know, is that no matter how good the advice, sometimes we still just can’t bring ourselves to follow it.

I’ve been having those days lately.

I’m not going to argue with the good advice, but I do want to point out something I think is important: sometimes the dissatisfaction one feels is justified.

Now, maybe, you’re the worrier type, and maybe you have other issues – not with circumstance or stuck life goals or whatever – that mean you spend more than your fair share of time dissatisfied. In that case, go ahead and investigate whether or not your dissatisfaction is justified. It may not be. But for me, at this moment, investigation done as thoroughly as I can manage, it feels pretty damn justified.

So, a little about the background here, for the sake of clarity. I’m roughly two months away from my 35th birthday; a little less than that and I graduate with my associates degree. I have some very good things in my life. I’m moving on to finish my B.A. at university, I have a fairly happy and stable relationship, I’m going to study abroad in China just after this semester ends. Granted, a couple of weeks ago I got laid off of 2 out of my 3 jobs, but I’m not really counting that as adding to my frustration, except in the most oblique way. It’s a thing. It happens. It sucks when you’re trying to make plans for the future, but John Lennon said something salient about that, and everyone should look it up if they haven’t.

No, the vast majority of my frustration comes, as most frustration does, from goals impeded or unrealized. In short, parts of my life are not what I want them or have worked hard for them to be.

As for college, that’s a long slog ahead of me. I’m looking at least another two years for my B.A. – it took me three to get my A.A. because, you know, I have to work on top of going to school – and then 3 to 4 after that to have a degree I can do something marketable with. My major is philosophy. (As an aside, when people ask me what I’m going to do with that degree, my typical response is, “Whatever the Hell I want”. I’m not sure it satisfies their curiosity, but it usually gets them to shut up, and that’s fine by me. There are basically two things one can do with a doctorate in philosophy: teach and write. I’m okay with both of those things. I used to be a psychology major and the idea of teaching the subject makes me want to lobby heavily for the reinstatement of corporal punishment.)

That’s what I’ve been doing with my education, and it’s a long road left to travel before I get anywhere appreciable with it. I’m okay with that.

What I want to do when I grow up – perish the thought – is be a writer. It’s my vocation. It is, however unsuccessful at the moment, my profession. It is my passion. It is also, statistically, the hardest vocation to make a living with, in these United States.

Yeah, I know how to pick ‘em.

Then again, maybe like love, we don’t get to pick our passions. It certainly didn’t feel like it to me. I didn’t wake up one day and say, “You know, I’d like to try to make my way in a field full of rejection and hard scrabble to make ends meet.” I’m pretty sure I didn’t anyway. And, quite like love, it’s not a rational decision to be weighed and risk evaluated. It’s all risk, and if you’re very lucky, or perhaps very persistent, you come out okay in the end. Then again, there are a lot of writers living below the poverty line.

So, here I am, pursuing a career in a difficult field, and not getting very far. I’ve been at this, trying to make money from my writing, for going on eight years now. I’ve been writing quite a bit longer. I’m constantly learning about the craft, and I love pretty much all the work I do to improve. (I have a special dislike for writing query letters. Nothing like being judged on your writing ability based on the example of a business letter. I may go on about that pet peeve cum psychotic hatred of mine at some other time, in an undisclosed location, under the cover of night, probably down by the docks.)  My writing is very much improved and continues to do so. This, at least, makes me happy. I’ve written a novel, and am halfway through a second one. I’ve written many short stories – the vast majority of which, early on, were just not good. I’ve written some short stories that are good.

I get intelligent, fairly well-read, people to read and critique them, and – most importantly – I listen to feedback. If I ever get published there will be a dense acknowledgement page in the book, to be sure.

I read a lot. More than most people, if statistics are to be believed. I enjoy reading as both pastime and research into craft. It’s a wonderful way to spend time.

Perhaps most importantly, I write. I write a lot.

I’m not one of the writers who sit down at a specific time each day, or have a ritual, or even have specific number of words to reach in each session. But my process works for me and I produce a goodly amount of material. (Yes, I just used the word ‘goodly’. You’re welcome.)

Beyond that is where the frustration comes in.

See, the thing about writing, as a business, is that it depends highly on other people, and, unfortunately, a great deal of good luck.

Unless one wants to self publish – and maybe see no monetary profit at all from the endeavor – then one needs other people. Gatekeepers. These people are the literary agents, editors, and sometimes the editor’s assistants – that read the work, and serve as the threshold to that magical – and sometimes it feels like mythical – realm of publication. And, to be clear, I think the vast majority of these people are qualified, competent, and passionate. I’m sure there’s a few inept operators out there, the law of probability just dictates it as a possibility, but I’m not concerned with the yahoos. In truth, I’m not even concerned about the good people in the writing industry. What concerns me, most often, are the vicissitudes of the writing business.

There are a whole host of variables, that have nothing to do with the work, that can keep a piece of writing from getting published. For one, the market is screwy, and pretty much always has been as it is subject to not only the trends in public opinion, but also any given editor or agent’s current view – or lack thereof – of said trends. Not having something that fits into a current trend doesn’t preclude one from publication, but it doesn’t help either. Secondly, even the most passionate and professional person is going to have bad days or bad associations. You know what it’s like when you’re in a bad mood, nothing, even things you like, brings you joy, and things tend to get judged more harshly when one is in a snit. It’s just the way we are as humans. As for bad associations, a piece of writing can be beautifully written, impactful, and entertaining, but perhaps it contains a theme or subject that resonates badly with an editor or agent. If one is writing, say, about death, and the reader has recently experienced the death of someone close to them, this, in and of itself, could cause him or her to reject it out of hand, unread, sight unseen.

There are more variables, like this, and this post would be exhausting if I attempted to catalog all of them. So, I won’t. But maybe I’ve gotten my point across.

Add to that, the fact that a great majority of the rejections one receives as a writer have absolutely no indication as to why any given piece was rejected, and you begin to see where the frustration stomps in and leaves thick streaks of mud all over your new carpet.

Now, there are professional, freelance editors, and writing conventions, and workshops, and if you, like me, find yourself with very little extra money at the end of the month, (read as none), then these avenues for professional feedback just are not open to you. There are, in most places, writing groups one can join. They may or may not be helpful, if you can both find and join one. I recommend looking, if you, unlike me, have the time to devote to its activities. I don’t. And having limited options in these areas, I have to go at it the old-fashioned way: on my own.

And I know, because anyone who thinks they can put subject, verb, and object together, in the correct order, in a sentence thinks they are or can be a writer, (and some of them not even that), that slush piles and submissions and query letters pile up high enough to dry-drown an unwary intern. I get that. And I understand that is why many professionals send form letters. It both does and does not bother me; depends on the time of day you ask. But without feedback, without professional feedback, it is desperately difficult to know what one is doing wrong, if anything.

You develop a thick skin. You have to if you have a hope of making it in this business of writing. This is sometimes more difficult than it sounds when your product is also your passion, but you do toughen up considerably. If there is anything good about collecting rejections it is that you get used to it, and learn to get on with the work.

I’ve gotten a lot of form letters; some from magazines and some from agents. I have a growing stack in a file. (Sometimes I even print out the electronic ones to increase the size of the pile.) I consider it part of paying one’s dues. It sucks, but it’s necessary. And really, if you can’t get past the rejection and keep writing, you’re just not meant to be a writer. Keep it as a hobby and go into a more lucrative, and instantly interaction vocation. You’ll feel better, I promise.

I have also gotten some very positive rejection letters from editors. Seems strange to call any rejection positive, but some of the letters actually contained praise. I count that as a positive.

So, why am I writing about frustration?

Why don’t I just journal about this stuff and put something more entertaining in this space?

Because I’m fucking ready for something positive to happen.

That’s it. There are days when I get so terribly frustrated that, regardless of the quantity or quality of work I put in, I still seem not to get anything out. And it drives me bugfuck. So, I thought I’d share.

And there’s something else. It’s not going to stop me. I don’t think I’m particularly mentally tough, or wired differently than anyone else, I just refuse to give up. I guess it just wasn’t an option on my model the year I came off the assembly line.

So, if there is anyone out there reading this, dealing with The Frustration – maybe more than your fair share – know this: it’s not failure until you give up. Until then, it’s just a work in progress.

And when I have those days, when the stone is grinding me dull instead of sharp, I remember that the next one, the next letter, the next submission, could be the one that crosses over. The next one could make it.

No one can tell the future, so why choose to believe that it will never happen?

Why not choose to believe that it will?

Why not?

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | 1 Comment

Something Like an Introduction…

Posted on March 11, 2013 by tessarnold2

     …For the both of us. You already know who you are, but who is the fool blogging here and what is with that name?

     I am a writer. I’m certain you’ve guessed that by now. As for the question I know you’re asking – because I’ve heard it every time I’ve introduced myself to someone new  – no, you probably can’t find my work anywhere; not yet. I am, constantly it seems, trying to get my work out to as wide an audience as possible. I send stories to magazines, queries to agents, and manuscripts to whoever will take them. That being said, this blog isn’t going to be about my writing, well not mostly. It’s about my life – the parts of it fit for public consumption – and my thoughts about, well, about anything. Relax, I promise I’ll keep my more trivial thoughts to myself. (The great thing about a blog is it allows one to edit one’s internal monologue, as opposed to spouting willy-nilly like every drunk in every bar you’ve ever been in. And you don’t come home smelling like smoke and calculating, to the minute, exactly how much sleep you can get before you have to get up for work, or school, or whatever.) Also, I don’t intend this to be group therapy session where I perpetually hold the talking stick. But I will talk about whatever significant thing, idea, event, or general weirdness that has set itself to ricocheting around inside my skull like a high-bounce ball in a pinball machine; and occasionally what’s going on in my writing career.

     So, that’s that. It’s a start anyways, and all things begin small.

     Oh, about the name thing. The blog is called ‘yestess’ Because my name is Tess. I’m male, the last I checked, and the dissonance this causes in people I meet for the first time is profound. The tag line is the answer to the question I hear just about as often as the writer one, “What’s it short for?” It isn’t. The story of how I came by my name is an interesting one, but one that will have to wait for some other time…

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment