…And because I haven’t been getting much of it lately, due to my new work/ school schedule it’s been hard to have more than two or three coherent thoughts in a row.
Thanks to that, and the inevitable irritability that comes with sleep deprivation, I’m going to take a page from the notebooks of one of my heroes: George Carlin.
This is Just a List of Things that Have been Pissing me Off:
(Here’s my list)
1) The Government Shutdown
Really? You spend millions of dollars to get a job in government service to do what? To shut down the government at the first chance you get? Fucking really? Infuriatingly, many of these same stately knaves have been claiming that the president is the one trying to destroy America. That is the aneurism causing definition of Irony. Forget for a second that shutting down the business of government is, by its very nature, undemocratic. Why in hell would you even take a job in government if you have no desire to see it work? I’d have more to say about this, but I need to take a break to rinse the bile out of the back of my throat…
2) Entitled Douchebags
Yes, I know it’s trendy to hate on douchebags, but I’m not talking about orange-skinned, steroid munching, entirely too much hair gel sort of dudebro here, I’m talking about the unmitigated vinegar and water washes you likely see all day long. I’m talking about the type of person, male or female, that when you hold a door open for them, doesn’t even bother to acknowledge your existence. I’m talking about the kind of old fashioned bag-and-tube-hanging-over-the-shower-rod combo that speeds through a parking lot, and then takes up two spaces because their vehicle is just too precious to be too close to anyone else’s car. I’m talking about the walking on the beach talking about not feeling so fresh type of jack off that lives in an apartment, and doesn’t seem to realize that, no matter how nifty their surround sound system is, that their neighbors might not want to hear a Micheal Bay movie’s worth of explosions, rumbling through the floor at 1am.
3) People Wearing their Headphones in Public
You know who I’m talking about, self important douche-nozzles walking around with electronics stuffed in their ears 24 hours a day.
I’m not talking about people out running and listening to music to help them keep motivation and pace. You people have both my sympathies and my respect. In fact, go you. Get your fitness on.
No, I’m talking about regular people, not engaged in any type of fitness activity, walking, standing, driving, and riding the bus who are so visibly uninterested in the rest of the world that they have to shut it out. I think visibly is the key word here. It’s not enough for them to be uninterested in the rest of humanity, thronging around them. No, they have to show off how uninterested they are. And more than that, we have to hear how uninterested they are, because apparently not one of these disaffected drain-clogs knows how to keep their earphones at a volume level where we, the surrounding masses, aren’t forced to listen to whatever shitty music they’ve decided they’re supposed to like this week. I’m sitting on a bench, out in nature, trying to read a book, or just relax in the relative silence, and mister or miss, ‘look at how much I’m not interested in the rest of the world,’ has to sit down next to me and jam out to some brainless rhythm tracking, or Bruno Mars.
Related to these mooks are the newest versions of the Bluetools. These idiots with one ear piece connected to their phone like they’re listening to a rebroadcast of the 1976 World Series at work and trying not to get caught by their bosses. Invariably, I’ll find myself in the company of one of these cyber-maniacs and they’ll start talking; always too loud for the space they’re in. And of course, if I’m the only one there, I naturally assume they’re talking to me. So I’ll make eye contact and say something. Only then do I realize that they’re on their precious device. It doesn’t embarrass me, I’ve done way more embarrassing things. It just pisses me off, because, suddenly, they always seem to get offended because I’ve just unwittingly intruded on their conversation. The nerve of me, thinking someone in physical proximity to someone else would actually talk to them. So sorry, must have forgotten where I was. Oh, no, that was you.
4) Clever Motherfuckers
Of the particular type I mean is the assbag that joins a conversation only to show how clever he/ she is. This person isn’t really interested in what the conversation is about, or enlightening anyone on some point of fact, just on showing how neat they are with the brains and stuff.
Here’s the thing: if you can be clever, you can be intelligent. You have the capacity, and intelligent is better – every-fucking-time.
Don’t, for the love of human dignity and sanity, say something just because you think it’s cool to be looked at as someone who says things like that. Say something with meaning. Say something with purpose. Say something that elevates the conversation, illuminates it in some heretofore unseen way. If what you have to say fits those criteria, I welcome you to the conversation. If it doesn’t, just have the decency and courtesy to shut the fuck up. Either that or suffer a facial burn when the cigarette I’m smoking cannons out of my mouth, due to the force of the profanity I am now shouting, (because I will be shouting), and the burning ember of tobacco lands, hopefully, directly in one of your eyes.
So, not really an exhaustive list, but I have to get ready for work now.
Hope your day is going better.